Category: Serious thing

University of Thinkers

Stef… Happy Birthdayy…!” that’s all my friends said when day on that month is on October 27th. Another year has past, and yet another year must face. Yes,  I thanked God with all that I have now.  Not that I was not grateful for all this years.

Actually it gave me a moment of reflection. Well, I did it everyday to rewind the day and remember what I have been done for today. But,  I don’t know, this time feel different. Maybe because my age. Ha..ha.. Yeah, facing the world of 3.0 would be ‘make sense’ reason.

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Matter of Interviewer

Saat lagi nonton American Next Top Model (yup! That’s my favorite tv show and I am not shamed about it) , Setiap minggu, para calon model itu diberikan tantangan. Nah, salah satu-nya tantangannya adalah mewawancarai seorang selebritis.

Well, banyak tips yang bisa dipetik. Terutama buat gue. Tapi sayangnya kenapa tontonan itu gak gue tonton sebelumnya? *sigh* Jadi, gw tidak harus menerima pelajaran in a harsh way…
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In The Name of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit…

Ameeen! Udah beberapa lama ini aku berdoa semoga aku dibukakan jalan untuk mencapai cita-citaku. And yet… aku  emang masih berusaha dan aku masih berdoa terus. Kata orang Berdoa dan Berusaha. Yup! Aku sedang berusaha.

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Emotional Breakdown…

It is not that easy to be in the top position. I mean top is not always CEO, or Director.  I mean ‘top’ is also not always in the big company when you are leader to dozens people. Top means you are a leader. Top can be mean you are the decision maker, small or big. Top also can be you are the ‘core’. Yeah.. that ‘Top’.

Become someone in top mean you must have all that capability : leadership, curiosity, creative, wise, responsible, and thoughtful, also professional. I must admit, i am thank you that my bosses give me that trust to be in that position. And yet, i am still learning became a good ‘Top’.

And yes.. i realize it that i am still lots to learn how to be a good Top. I thought working hard, try to fulfill deadlines, manage the people in my supervisory are enough. And yet, Company demands a lot more from me. When they asked what is my strength and weakness, i hushed. I shocked and i can’t even say a word. And then i memorize what happened in my division. And suddenly all my thought ‘i am okay’ fell apart.

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Dream Hope Come True

I never want something like I want this.  Even though I already had this dream a long-long time ago, but I keep say it to myself…, it’s just imagination. It’s just a dream that should be only dream.  So, I start to forget my dream and come back to reality.

And then I live day by day, month by month, year by year … facing the reality life had take me.  Once in a while the dream came to me. Took me out from reality, and I was happy.  But it is never more than that.

When I lonely, feel stuck with my life, I open my Pandora box, and I dream that I live in my dream life. And that moment I feel light, happy, even just for a while.

Then, my friend suddenly flew away and reaching her dreams…, and I just amazed. How she dare to throw away everything she has achieved to pursue her dream. I know it didn’t easy, but somehow, she can manage to do that and survive.

And lately… open the Pandora box doesn’t satisfy me again. I am starting feel empty but at the same time I feel the urged to make it come true.

Finally I figured out that I must brave to make a decision. To make my dream just a dream or make it dream come true.  Yes! Finally I start to make steps I have reach to my dream come true.

Step by step…yes, it’s a long steps but I must keep trying, I just must make my dream come true or die trying.

You know what my dreams?

Maybe it looks don’t matter, but I always picture myself to sit at a bench or on the ground  and stare at this view.

Looking at those I will feel so much contentment in my soul. And I’ll be satisfied and that is when I can say ‘That moment is my now’.

source: gettyimages.com
source : gettyimages.com
source: gettyimages.com
source: gettyimages.com
source: gettyimages.com
source: gettyimages.com

Watching those place and dreaming to live or spend my life in those places is my dream. I make this post so i keep remember my dream and when i lose hope, i can back strong again.

I know it doesn’t easy. I have never had the easy way to get what i want, but it is my life, not others, and i must live with it. I just hope GOD give me a strong will to make it happen,

Amen!

xxoo 😉

Surviving in the world of women…

woman wants to be center of attention
After experienced many things, I dare to say that it is hard to survive in the world of women.
What are you saying? – Some of you must be wondered. But I have my own story.
As long I can remember, when I read girls magazine, or women magazine, all the articles always told the same old philosophies. Like “just be yourself” or “Inner beauty is the truth beauty”, or “confidence will make your way” and many others advice that now more like sound a cliché in my ears.
Nevertheless, still outer beauty or looks is the very first people will acknowledge who we are. Well, I can say that people with good looking face more likely to have a job that people who just average. Or, women that have good looking face also more likely have asked to their phone number than they who just average. Or women with appearance like white, long hair, tall and slimming body more likely caused adoring eyes from men.
Yes, no wonder women very concern about their looks. The public demand them to always look good. Just look at all the media from advertising, magazine, television or even the simple thing social media, people or in this case women always have the ‘urge’ to look good. Why? Well, I realized me and my friends never want to put our ugly picture as profile image. Am I right?
Well, I believe beauty is in the eyes of beholder. Yes, that’s true. Beauty is very subjective yet ironically we can define what is ugly. Just like people humor about this “Cantik itu rata-rata tapi jelek itu mutlak”.  As for me, I do have feeling that I don’t want to be average woman especially don’t want to be called ugly.
So, I do whatever to look good. And yeah… I have dealing with the ‘looks’ problem since forever… *sigh* story of my life. And I have spent millions rupiah to have softer and healthy skin. I become the victim of advertising. Do this and that to fulfill the standard what is beautiful. No doubt to feel the pain to look more beautiful. Yep! Beauty is pain. Injection to stop the anti aging, peeling that burn your face, high killer heels to look more sexy or slimming, hair extension to have instant long hair, coloring hair. Or waxing to remove all unwanted hair. Pain yet we are want it.
It is really ‘To be or not to be’ as Shakespeare said in Hamlet. That’s all that matter. But it isn’t just to look beautiful in the public or opposite sex, but also want to be looks more beautiful in front of other women. *exhale* women are very competitive species. I become so aware of this because I am too  envy. She is sexier, she has bigger breasts, and many others that make me focus about outer look instead to what is in me.
I realize that and I try to eliminate that. But it is hard because we can’t just go to hell with appearance but how to make our self not to consume with outer beauty and start to explore the inner beauty.  Until now, I am still working to do that. And … yeah… tough competition and the fact that scale women than men is 4: 1, makes ‘this competition’ harder.

Awkward Moment with My Mom

You know… I guess they are right. When a child reached the age 18, they should go out from the house and live independently. But, that is only happened in western.  Here, where I come along, we moved out when we are married.

But… I completely agree with western point of view. Beside to learn live independent, there will be no arguing and embarrassing moments like me and my parents especially my mom.

We often argue about how my mom often and always still treated me like I am underage. And that’s annoys me.

Just like when we are in family room and watched a movie, western movie, there is a romance scene, where the actress and actor was kissing, and you know what, my mom told me to close my eyes. Geeezzz….

Another example, like when I watch the DVD in my room with my door closed, suddenly, my mom barked in and entered to my room in the middle love scene in the movie. And she asked whether I watched porn movie. C’mon…  It just a make out scene. On second thought, what I watched is not her business. I completely have no privacy in my own room.  I don’t mind if she wants to see me, but please, knock first, show some respect to my own privacy.

It is very hard to give a logical explanation to my parents that very conservative. Arrgghh… really really put me on nerve.

That’s not the only thing, once, when I went to supermarket with her, I buy a beer, just a bottle, I mean a treat for myself, and she said I am an alcoholic like every day I buy 10 bottles a day. FML.

I don’t know how to make them understand.  Does she know that now already year 2010 and I completely a grown up, mature and able to take a risk my own choice.

Does she know about human rights or freedom to make a choice? Gosh…   I wish my mom can be an open minded person, and be flexible.  I’ll know, she would answer like this   every time I spoke about my mind. “As long you live in my house, you follow my rules”. That’s her. My dad doesn’t help much. My mom is the boss.

You know, the argument come to a result, this year must be the last year I am in the house. Next year I am planning to find my own flat or rented room.

My Resolution in 2010

Have you ever found out that you think your life now is the life you always dream of and you say, it’s enough…  now,  I can think about settling down. But in a simple way, Bam!! You are wake up, and realized this is the life you never dream of and your dreams that forgotten back to you and now everything seems all wrong…

And that’s what I felt right now…  After I had reunion with my friends, they are all talked about taking the master degree or scholarship study overseas. Well, I don’t too interest to go back in university but the urge of my dream is comeback to me.

My memories go back to about 1,5 years ago, in a restaurant in front of some new partners in my new work office. I remember when I introduced myself, I said with loud and clear about my dream.

“Cita-cita saya adalah keliling dunia, tapi karena belum kesampean sampe sekarang… jadi saya mencurahkannya dengan berjam-jam melalang buana di dunia internet dimana saya juga bisa pergi kemanapun saya ingin sampai akhirnya saya jatuh cinta dengan dunia ini..”

And after 1,5 years later, it turns out not smooth as I was hoping for but i can keep up. Yes, I have many mistakes but also many lessons. No regrets but I don’t also feel I found my place.

Now, when my dream came back to me, I feel I should follow my passion right! I must wake up and put some action in to it. I don’t want to just let it flow… I must make my choice. I think this is it. Maybe in years ago I have a lot of consideration.  But I think now  next year I must  start my step at to full fill my dreams.

When my boss says :” Go catch the snow…”  I feel like it is a sign from me. Yes, I want to see the world in any way, and that’s what I am gonna do. Heck if everybody found their love and prefer to be married. I do also, but not now, not if my mind still wandering about the world out there.

“I want to see snow..”

“I want celebrate Christmas in Christmas ambience just like in movie”

“I want to feel the trees turns to yellow…”

“I want to see green grass in a city and flowers blossoms..”

I want to experience everything… and by GOD help me to fulfill my dream.

XOXO