The Queen and the Firebird

A story of depth and light.
Of stillness and spark.
Of two people from different stars…
trying to write the same story.

Once upon a time, in a bustling kingdom of pixels, projects, and passion, there lived a Scorpio Queen named Anara. She was a brilliant mind in the palace of creativity, a high-ranking project manager who always had her kingdom in order — deadlines met, dreams aligned, and stories told.

But beyond the iron crown of responsibility, Queen Anara carried a heart that longed for magic. She didn’t just want to be loved — she wanted to be cherished. She dreamed of a prince who would see her, choose her, and make her his universe. A man who could lift the weight off her shoulders and treat her like the royalty she truly was.

One day, the wind carried whispers of a Firebird named Kael, a mysterious traveler from the realm of streaming stars and YouTube towers. He was wild, bold, charming — with a smirk that could melt glaciers and a confidence that set the skies ablaze. He danced on rooftops, chased sunsets, and created sparks wherever he went.

He didn’t follow maps — he followed instinct. And when he flew into Queen Anara’s orbit, he didn’t bow…

He winked.

“You don’t need a crown, Queen,” Kael said, “You just need to fly.”

Queen Anara, both intrigued and annoyed, tried to resist. His world was fast, loud, chaotic. Hers was precise, meaningful, deep. Yet he made her laugh in the middle of board meetings. He texted her at 2AM with ideas that made no sense… but made her smile. He didn’t always understand her silences, but when she cried, he held her — awkwardly, but real.

She wanted roses and poetry.

He brought coffee and impulsive road trips.

She built castles out of words.

He built videos out of chaos.

At times, she wanted to freeze him in place, whisper, “Choose me. Make me your home.”

But he was always halfway into his next flame.

Still… he kept returning.

Not because she asked.

Not because she chased.

But because he felt something he didn’t understand — a fire that didn’t burn wild, but warm. A hearth.

And one night, under the glow of fairy lights and half-written scripts, Queen Anara said:

“I don’t want to clip your wings… but I want to know I matter when you fly.”

Kael paused. He’d never been tamed — and yet, something about her didn’t feel like a cage.

It felt like gravity.

When Fire Meets Depth

The city lights flickered like candle flames behind the rain-streaked windows. The room was dim, wrapped in the golden hush of night, scented faintly with his cologne and her favorite vanilla chai. Somewhere, one of his videos was uploading. Somewhere, emails and alarms waited. But in this moment, time was obedient only to them.

Anara stood by the window, her silk robe barely brushing her thighs, her eyes watching the sky as if waiting for answers. She had given so much — to her job, to the world, to him. But part of her still wondered…

Would he stay?

Could he go deep?

She didn’t hear him enter — only felt the heat of his presence behind her.

“Why do you always look like you’re about to leave?” he asked, his voice low, velvet laced with flame.

She didn’t turn. “Why do you always act like you already have?”

There was silence — but not the cold kind. The electric, charged kind. The kind that lingers between two people who want to say a hundred things but know their bodies will say them better.

He stepped closer. One hand slid around her waist, the other brushed her hair from her neck. She closed her eyes as his lips found the space just beneath her ear — the place he always kissed when he didn’t know how to apologize.

“I don’t mean to fly away,” he whispered. “But you scare me. You make me feel too much.”

She turned to face him then, eyes gleaming like wet ink, stormy but soft. Her fingers pressed against his chest, firm.

“And you make me feel not enough,” she said. “Like I’m just another stop before your next sky.”

His breath hitched. And then, without another word, he lifted her — not in a grand gesture, but in a raw, instinctive one. Carried her to the couch like she was air and gravity at once.

Their mouths met — not gentle, not hurried, but hungry. Like a question and an answer crashing into each other. She clung to him, nails digging slightly into his back, reminding him that she was not a distraction — she was the destination.

His hands were everywhere and nowhere at once — tracing the lines of her collarbone, the dip of her waist, the curve of her thigh. She tugged at his shirt, frustrated by fabric, needing skin. When she moaned against his mouth, he froze.

“Say it,” he whispered, forehead pressed to hers. “Say what you need.”

She looked into his eyes, breathless, vulnerable. “I need to know I’m not just a story for your audience. I want to be the one you come home to — not the one you run from.”

He cupped her face. “You’re not just a story, Anara. You’re the plot twist that changed everything.”

And when they came together, it wasn’t just heat — it was fire and depth. Each touch was an apology. Each kiss, a promise. Her body told him stay. His told her I’m trying.

That night, he didn’t fly.

That night, he stayed.

The First Spark

They weren’t supposed to be alone.

The team dinner had ended, the others had drifted off one by one — excuses mumbled, Ubers hailed, goodbyes exchanged. But Anara and Kael remained, two stubborn souls orbiting the last candle on the rooftop lounge.

It was late. The city was quiet in that seductive, in-between hour where everything feels possible and forbidden all at once.

Anara sipped the last of her sangria, her heels off, legs folded underneath her on the sofa. Her hair was slightly messy from laughter, and her eyes shimmered — not from the wine, but from something unnamed, electric.

Kael watched her from across the fire pit. He was still wearing that damn leather jacket, sleeves pushed up, revealing forearms that made her brain go quiet. His smile was lazy, but his gaze? Focused. Like he was trying to memorize her.

“You’re not what I expected,” he said finally.

She raised a brow. “What did you expect?”

“A little colder. A little more… boss lady ice queen.”

He smirked. “Instead, you’re fire. Quiet fire. Controlled but deadly.”

Her lips curved. “And you’re exactly what I expected.”

“Oh yeah?” he grinned. “Charming and irresistible?”

“Infuriating,” she replied, standing. “But weirdly interesting.”

She started to gather her bag, but he stood too — fast, like he wasn’t ready for the night to end.

“Wait,” he said, stepping in front of her. “Just… one thing.”

His hand reached out, fingers brushing hers. It was such a light touch, but it stopped her completely. She looked up at him — her heart suddenly racing in a way it hadn’t in years.

“I’ve been trying to not do this,” he murmured.

“Do what?”

He leaned in slowly, his hand rising to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear — lingering just a little too long. The tension between them tightened like strings on a violin, quivering with anticipation.

“This,” he whispered, and his lips found hers.

It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t shy. It was the kind of kiss that steals your breath and then gives it back sweeter. The kind that says, I see you. I want you. I’m not sure what this is — but I’m not running from it.

Her hands clutched his jacket. His fingers tangled in her hair. And for a moment, the city disappeared. There was no audience. No next video. No unread messages or unanswered questions.

Just him. Just her. And the kind of kiss you write about later.

When they finally pulled apart, he looked dazed — like even he didn’t expect it to feel that real.

“So,” he said, voice husky. “Still think I’m infuriating?”

She didn’t answer. She just kissed him again.

Stay

They didn’t plan to end up in her apartment.

But the kiss outside the rooftop lounge didn’t end.

Not really.

Kael had reached for her hand, casually at first. Then possessively. Then like he was afraid letting go would mean waking up.

Anara didn’t say a word. She didn’t need to.

Her silence was permission.

Her eyes were an invitation.

Inside her apartment, the air was different — warmer, closer. Her bookshelves, her candles, her music playing softly in the background — it was all so her.

And he loved it.

He loved her world.

“You light up a room without even trying,” he murmured, brushing his fingers down her arm as she slipped off her jacket.

She turned to him slowly, backlit by the glow of amber lights and curiosity.

“And you set fire to things you don’t understand,” she whispered. “Is that what this is for you? Just another spark?”

Kael’s jaw tightened. He stepped closer, his voice lower.

“No. This is the one I don’t want to lose control of.”

“But I already am.”

She looked up at him — a flicker of doubt in her Scorpio eyes. Not because she didn’t want him.

Because she wanted him too much.

And wanting, for her, was dangerous.

But when he touched her cheek — gently, reverently — she didn’t pull away.

His lips found hers again, slower this time. Like he was memorizing the curve of her mouth, the way she sighed into him. Her fingers gripped his shirt, dragging him into her space. Into her orbit.

Clothes came off in pieces — not frantic, but deliberate.

The way she slid his shirt off like she was unwrapping a secret.

The way he kissed each inch of her skin like he was trying to rewrite every place she’d ever felt unwanted.

They found the bed in a tangle of kisses and gasps.

He hovered above her, eyes scanning her face like she was a poem he didn’t deserve to read.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered, breath shaky.

“Stay,” she answered, voice softer than he’d ever heard.

And so he did.

He stayed — not just in body, but in presence. In awe.

He explored her like a map, tracing every curve, memorizing the way she arched when his lips brushed her collarbone, the way she whispered his name like a secret.

“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever touched,” he said, voice rough, fingers trailing along her hip.

“That’s because I’m not someone you touch and forget,” she said, pulling him down to her. “I’m someone you feel long after you’re gone.”

But he didn’t go.

Not that night.

He made love to her like she was his anchor and his muse. And she welcomed him like a storm she’d been waiting her whole life to surrender to.

They didn’t sleep much.

But they held each other after — her head on his chest, his fingers tracing invisible lines on her back.

For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel alone.

And for the first time ever, he wondered what it might be like… to belong.

The One who Care More

The fight wasn’t loud.

Not at first.

But it cut deeper than raised voices ever could.

It started with a text he didn’t answer.

Then a story he posted — laughing with someone else, somewhere else, while she sat at a café alone, waiting.

Anara told herself not to care.

She told herself he’s like this. Unpredictable. Free. Unapologetic.

But when he walked in later that night with that same breezy smile, something inside her snapped.

“Did you forget?” she asked calmly, arms crossed, voice too quiet.

Kael blinked. “Forget what?”

“Dinner. My event. The one I told you about twice.”

He shrugged, too casual. “Babe, I thought it was next week.”

“Of course you did,” she said, standing. “Because nothing sticks unless it’s about you.”

The room shifted. He narrowed his eyes. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Her voice rose now. “You disappear. You reappear. You post your life online like I’m not even part of it.”

Kael took a step back, arms folding in defense. “So now we’re keeping score?”

Anara’s jaw clenched. “No. I’m just tired of pretending I don’t notice.”

“Pretending? I thought we weren’t that serious.”

Silence.

It hit her like cold water.

The phrase — not that serious — like a slap.

“Then why are you in my bed, Kael?” she said, eyes stinging. “Why do you kiss me like I’m the only thing that makes sense? Why do you stay, if I don’t matter?”

He didn’t answer. Not right away.

And that silence was its own kind of answer.

She turned. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I made all this up in my head.”

“Anara, wait—”

But she was already walking toward the door.

“You wanted freedom,” she said, pausing before she left. “Now you have it.”

When He Realized

She didn’t text the next day.

Or the one after.

Kael tried to distract himself — shoots, scripts, stories — but everything felt flat.

No clever caption could fix the hollowness.

He rewatched an old clip — one where she laughed at something he said off-camera. She wasn’t even in frame, just a voice behind the lens. But the sound of it…

God, he missed her.

And then came the photo.

Anara. At dinner. With someone else.

Not a romantic post — not at all — but her smile wasn’t broken anymore.

That’s when it hit him.

She wasn’t bluffing.

She was gone.

The weight crushed him. All his life he’d kept things light, casual, free. But now he realized what real risk was.

Losing the one person who saw all his chaos and stayed anyway.

The Confession

She was in her apartment, curled up with a book, trying not to feel everything — when the knock came.

She opened the door.

There he stood.

Rain-soaked. Breathless. Eyes wild like he’d just run through the storm for her — and he had.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

Kael stepped forward. Not too close. Just enough.

His voice was rough, raw.

“I thought I could live without needing anyone. I thought I could love you on my terms. I was wrong.”

Her lips parted. He continued.

“I’m in love with you, Anara.”

“Not the easy kind. Not the filtered kind. The terrifying, inconvenient, I see forever when I look at you kind.”

“You make me want to be better. You make me afraid — because this isn’t just passion. It’s home.”

A single tear slid down her cheek — not because she was weak, but because she’d waited to hear it. Waited to matter out loud.

“Say it again,” she said softly.

“I love you.”

She stepped into his arms. Kissed him like an answer. Like a yes.

And that night, they didn’t need words.

They had skin.

And silence.

And the kind of closeness that only comes after breaking.

(stf – 13 April 2025)

Walk in the Darkness

I never anticipated experiencing another significant turning point in my forties. Yet here I am, facing it head-on. It’s reminiscent of the slogan “Mulai dari 0 ya Bu…” (Starting from scratch, ma’am) coined by one of the prominent state-owned enterprises (BUMN). That’s precisely where I find myself now. This transition has rendered me and my coworkers, particularly the mid-level managers, feeling as though we’re learning to walk again.

It’s been ages since I last underwent a job interview or crafted a resume or cover letter. The process feels foreign, daunting even. My colleagues and I share stories of our endeavors in ‘hunting for new jobs’—searching for greener pastures that promise greater stability. It’s a journey filled with uncertainty, yet we persevere in pursuit of brighter opportunities.

Is this really happening?

That’s the question that has consumed me for nearly five months now. It’s been half a year of enduring a relentless storm, a sinking feeling creeping in. The impact isn’t just on me; it’s engulfing the entire company. It started subtly, but now it’s undeniable – we’re drowning.

For the first two months, I tried to maintain a sense of calm. I convinced myself that I could handle it, that I could navigate these troubled waters. I told myself I’d start looking for other job opportunities while holding onto my current position, waiting for the right offer to come along. But life doesn’t pause for anyone. Each day brings its own set of bills, obligations, and demands, echoing loudly in the background. Amidst this cacophony, I find myself silently screaming.

Despite the chaos, I count my blessings. Being single means I don’t have dependents relying on me for urgent needs. My worries are centered around my own necessities. And then, amidst it all, the CEO insists that we carry on as usual, despite the company’s failure to fulfill its responsibilities.

2024, It’s not getting better

The indifference that initially sent small ripples through the company has now transformed into tumultuous waves. Though it may seem like just one voice, it echoes the sentiments of many, including myself. Personally, I can’t help but feel disappointed. After all our years of loyalty, it’s disheartening to see business continue as usual, as if everything is normal, despite the far-from-ideal circumstances.

After three months of diligently sending out cover letters and CVs, the only responses I’ve received are rejections. It’s more than just feeling down; it’s a profound sense of insecurity that’s settled in. Questions about my capabilities, my worth, and my future prospects haunt me, casting doubt on every job listing I come across. “Am I truly capable? What have I achieved in all these years? Can I even compete for this position? Am I overestimating myself? How can one person possibly handle all these responsibilities?” These insecurities, coupled with the constant stream of rejections, have left me utterly demoralized.

My mental well-being has taken a hit. Despite outwardly maintaining my composure, inside, I’m gripped by fear. I long to confide in someone, to share the overwhelming uncertainty that envelops me. Yet, I realize I have no one to turn to.

That’s one of the ‘perks’ of being single. There’s no one to offer a guiding hand when you’re stumbling in the darkness. Yes, there are best friends who will listen, sympathize, and offer advice or support, but ultimately, that’s where their assistance ends.

Keep the Faith, Keep Moving On

Entering this month, reality has firmly planted me on the ground. I’ve begun making significant adjustments to my lifestyle. Gone are the days of indulging in expensive coffees; now it’s either sachet coffee or none at all. Shopping for skincare and beauty products is out of the question, as is leisurely hanging out in cafes. I’ve even started considering using my own motorbike for commuting to the office, a far more economical option. While internet access remains essential, subscriptions to services like Netflix have become non-priorities, things to be trimmed from the budget.

Reality has grounded me, prompting me to reconnect with my faith. My best friend reminded me of the constant presence of a higher power, assuring me that I am not alone, that God will never forsake me. It’s a comforting realization, urging me to maintain my faith and keep pressing forward. Despite the darkness that surrounds me, I cling to the belief that there is light ahead. Storms pass; I just need to adjust my course, much like Dory from the Pixar animated movie, “Finding Nemo,” who famously urged to “just keep swimming.”

Uncertainty looms over what tomorrow holds, but I am resolved to keep moving forward. I’m learning to prioritize my time and relinquish control over things beyond my reach. As the wise saying goes, “Do your best, and let God take care of the rest.”

Even as I type these thoughts, tangled in my mind on my blog, I remain entrenched in the storm. I continue to navigate the darkness, doing my best and accepting whatever outcomes come my way. I resist the urge to place blame, choosing instead to be grateful for every blessing, no matter how small. Giving up is not an option; I persevere, inspired by the words of Jaime Escalante: “Life is not about how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up.”

As I conclude this blog post, I make a solemn vow to myself: to persist in my efforts. I am confident that there is a brighter future awaiting me, a greener pasture where I will flourish and thrive. With unwavering faith in myself and the assurance of God’s presence, I move forward with determination. Amen!

Things that add Value in your life?

I have never… never ever thought living less give more value. We are not poor, I mean my family, but we are not rich people too. I think we are what you called middle class in common. We are enough.

I was blessed to have a happy childhood. That time, little I know about branded things or high technology. I was happy whatever my parents gave me. Such as board game as cheap as Halma ( not UNO ) and Monopoly nasional or even ‘taplak’ game or ‘main karet’ were enough to make me happy.

There were times I want more expensive stuffs like rollerblades, bicycle and even ‘tamagochi pet’. That time I cried and beg to my parents to buy rollerblades for me, or tamagochi pet. But no matter how long or how hard I begged or cried, my parents didn’t bunch. My parents knew that all those things didn’t add value in my life. The Bicycle was the only one finally I got, though it was an old bicycle from my neighbour’s kid that broken. But my Dad repaired it, and it was mine. It just lifted my happiness like 100% because I can join with big kids (my brother and his friends) strolling the neighbourhood.

And because when I was a child I couldn’t ask anything — even my elementary uniform was pre loved from my brother. When I am in my adult year, when I can make my own money, when the decision is on me, that gave me the sensation that I could do anything and buying anything if I can afford that.

esqnews.id

So, If I have this shoes, or I have this dress, these jeans, that makes me happy — I bought it. Or I said to myself, I already worked hard, I deserved these shoes. Thought I already have 2 pairs same shoes or dress or jeans.

Sometimes, I said to myself, this shirt cute with these jeans, or this shoes pair with those pants, and that will make me awesome. That’s my defence before I pull out my card to the cashier.

My Dad that always remind me to save my money. My friend told me to buy something that can be an investment in the future. Well, I realized they were right. So, I bought a house. And now I have a mortgage that follows me 15 years. But it is worth the value.

30 DAYS #MinsGame

So, I’ve been listening to the Minimalist’ Podcast – Joshua Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus. So, after listening to the podcast more and more, I just realized, over the years of my adult life, I become so focus with stuff to make me happy or unconsciously substitute my need for true happiness with stuffs.

There is nothing wrong with buying stuffs/things, but maybe it gets undervalued when you start to buy things just because you can or just to fill your ego or when you don’t really need it.

So, I did my checking list. And turned out, I have a lot (sadly) stuffs that I don’t really need or even use after I bought them. I just want to have them. It’s not really healthy actually. Ugh.

This 30 Days #MinsGame is from the Minimalist. The game is too declutter your home/ your room, your life to eliminate stuffs that you don’t use. Could be anything. I mean ANYTHING. Kitchenware, clothing, collectables, decorations, socks, etc.

So, here I am.. trying to declutter. Crossed fingers.

Declutter My Life

The year 2020 proved to be challenging for me and for people worldwide due to the global struggle caused by the pandemic. Working from home for almost 11 months significantly altered my lifestyle. Without the daily interactions with friends at work, my focus shifted to discussions with my laptop, transforming me as a person.

One positive aspect was that I became more attuned to myself, engaging in self-reflection and pondering what I truly wanted in life. I realized I had been merely going along with the flow without truly listening to my own desires.

Despite this newfound awareness, a void lingered within me, and I struggled to find passion in anything. To address this, I experimented with new activities like doodling, scrapbooking, and book coloring, finding temporary solace. However, each attempt eventually led to distraction, and the void persisted.

On December 31, 2020, I watched “The Minimalists: Less is Now” on Netflix. The documentary shed light on my habit of accumulating things that added little value to my life. The Minimalists, Jason and Ryan, shared their experiences, and I felt a connection with their message. While I may not be a hoarder, I realized I often spent money on unnecessary items, lured by their fleeting charm.

The Minimalist Blog (https://www.theminimalists.com/) provided further insight into my struggles with focus and priorities. Acknowledging this, my resolution for the year is to refocus my priorities by decluttering my life. I aim to create space for items that genuinely add value.

Inspired by The Minimalists, I plan to undertake the 30 Day Minimalism Game as a beginner. Interested in my journey? Stay tuned for updates on my challenge!

Cheers,

Because It’s My First Time… in Paris

I never thought of undertaking this journey alone. I am not that type of person, or at least, that was what I thought of myself. Until now, travelling has always been a fun activity for me, where I am not afraid of ‘being lost’ in that place. I vividly remember when I went to Singapore a few years ago with my friend. I heavily relied on her for directions, destinations, and even how to communicate. Well, Singapore, being the nearest neighbor, is still relatively easy for solo travel. But at that time, I did think, without my friend, I would surely be confused and lost.

Then, the opportunity arose. The chance to visit Europe again. This time, without the fear of getting lost, I gathered up the dreams that had been postponed since 2011, the first time I set foot on the continent.

Charles De Gaulle

We arrived at Charles De Gaulle International Airport in France at 21:30 Paris time (if I remember correctly). Still half-conscious from the long hours of flight, my travel companion and I followed the flow of other passengers to collect our baggage, contemplating how to get from Charles De Gaulle to Chessy, a town located an hour outside Paris.

Even though it was only 21:30 local time, airport activities like the information center were already closed. We were greeted only by stern-faced security personnel. None of the male or female security officers gave a ‘welcome’ expression to either of us. In my thoughts, I pondered how ‘cold’ this city seemed.

At that hour, Charles De Gaulle Airport didn’t leave a ‘Wow’ impression on me. I didn’t even have time to observe the design or architecture of the airport. The two of us were solely focused on figuring out how to get to the train station and head towards Chessy. Our ‘homework’ was not only to find out how to get to the train station but which train to take and how to purchase tickets. Honestly, I was of no use at that moment. Despite efforts to inquire here and there, I relied on my friend :(. After wandering around the airport for over an hour, we finally found clarity. Yes, we eventually found the train that would take us to Chessy

suburb area

EuroDisneyland, Paris

Although it’s called Euro Disneyland, Paris, it is not located in the city of Paris. Euro Disney is situated in Chessy, a small town outside Paris, requiring approximately 1 hour by train to reach our destination. Yes, because we also participated in the Half Marathon event at Run Disney 2018, we had to stay near the event location.

The atmosphere changed as we exited the subway towards the surface. Cold air immediately hit us. Luckily, I was still wearing a hoodie and training pants, so I got some warmth, but it didn’t last long. Long story short, we arrived at the hotel named New York Hotel at 23:30 locale time. Hungry and cold, but our tired bodies conquered all. We all collapsed on the bed.

I will share about the Half Marathon event in a separate post.

Paris, We are Here!

finally i see this in front of my eyes

We moved towards the city of Paris after the Half Marathon event because there were several seminars taking place in downtown Paris. However, Mon Dieu! The journey with the subway, or called ‘Metro’ in Paris, was not as picturesque as I imagined.

Dragging the suitcase, which weighed almost 20kg, was indeed exhausting. Not to mention, I also carried a backpack with a laptop. Initially, it was enjoyable (at the airport), but when entering uneven and rocky terrain, I had to balance between keeping up to avoid losing my friend and ensuring the suitcase wheels didn’t break. Moreover, many Metro stations in Paris turned out to have no escalators, so we had to go up and down stairs with a considerable number of steps. And here we are, pushing the luggage in the midst of the hustle and bustle of Parisians.

Heading to our hotel on Notre Dame de Lorette Street was full of challenges. Stairs adorned our journey every time we changed stations. We sweated profusely in the cold autumn air. However, I couldn’t hide my admiration for the surroundings. I watched Parisians busy rushing for the train—although no one helped us—with amazement. I was also amazed by their train stations.

Finally, we arrived at the last station, and from there, we exited the Metro. Once I reached the surface, I was faced with the beautiful city as I had imagined. I remember vividly, in front of the exit of St. George Metro station, there was a roundabout, with a fountain in the middle, and although the roundabout was small, the surrounding buildings had beautiful Parisian architecture. And then I just realized, we were in Paris!

Metro, Roof Tops, Sidewalk Cafe & Stones road

I can’t explain how beautiful this city is. I know earlier I complained about the Metro in Paris. But after wandering around with the Metro and buses in Paris several times, I found enjoyment in this fashion city. Eiffel, Louvre, or even Versailles is beautiful, but what makes me like the city are the ordinary sights that are everywhere in Paris.

A little fact that I know, after sufficient exploration. Every Metro station has a different theme. I didn’t have the time to ask my friend about this, as I only realized it later. Some are ordinary, some are themed. Each station leaves an impression and becomes an object of my observation.

The cobbled roads that I complained about are a witness to the age of a city. I found that stone roads are part of the history of the city. I discovered the beauty in every cobbled street I walked on. I feel like I want to explore every street in the city of Paris.

 

A busy and beautiful city. I know, many films showcase the lifestyle of Parisians with rows of sidewalk cafes. That’s true. When night falls, the beauty of this city transforms. The city is filled with lights and the sparkle of light reflecting from wine glasses. Not to mention the handsome Parisians, both in their faces and their unique fashion styles.

I didn’t want to miss out. Trying to adapt to the style of the Parisians, we sat in one of the cafes in Le Marais, a trendy area in Paris. We enjoyed wine and savored the night.

Eiffle, Louvre, Versailles and Père Lachaise

Magnificent! is the word that describes each of these places. Each of them has its own beauty.

Le Louvre, as the Parisians call this museum. Consisting of 3 parts, you can find famous works such as paintings by Leonardo Da Vinci, including the Mona Lisa, here. It took us 6 hours to explore all 3 parts of the Louvre. And for your information, I didn’t see all of it. Some parts I just walked past without seeing what’s in it. The ticket, around 20 euros, is truly worth it.

Thank God. I have a friend in Paris. His name is François, and he has a car to drive me to Versailles. Turned out it was located outside Paris too. It took around 1 hour by car.

Versailles is a superbly magnificent and extraordinary compound. Even from the gate, it already left me in awe.

La Tour Eiffel, surely you must know. A landmark that you must visit when you’re in Paris. Unfortunately, I had a bad experience when visiting this landmark. However, that experience taught me to be more careful, especially when I separate from my friend later.

Lastly, there is Père Lachaise. If you’re not familiar, it is a cemetery area. Don’t imagine graves like in Tanah Kusir or Jeruk Purut. Père Lachaise is more like a museum than a cemetery area. You need a map to navigate this cemetery area, especially if you want to find the graves of famous figures. Mentioning Frédéric Chopin, Edith Piaf, Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, and even Jim Morrison. Père Lachaise is the largest cemetery area in the city of Paris. I don’t know why, but of all the landmarks I mentioned above, this place is where I could most enjoy during my visit.

tempat menyimpan abu setelah kremasi

Those little things

Beside all the tourism experiences, there are many small things that actually make me want to stay longer in Paris. The greeting “Bonjour Madam” every time I step into a shop or restaurant during the day. Or the aroma of bread from boulangerie shops and how they are very strict about the opening times of the restaurant (though it’s only 5 minutes away, they forbid us to enter the restaurant :D). Or how they speak to each other in French. Even the cheese shop where my French friend and I shop for groceries, I found it interesting and will miss it dearly.

I would love to go back there, but the second time, I don’t want to solo travel again. There is indeed tranquility and freedom when you’re solo traveling, but there is also a feeling of loneliness when you need to discuss something you see while you’re traveling or when your inner child is eager to go out and do random things and be spontaneous. Well, that’s another goal that I must achieve before I die.

Cheers,

Another Fight with You

I don´t expect my love affairs to last for long
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true
Being used to trouble I anticipate it
But all the same I hate it, wouldn´t you?

So what happens now?

Time and time again I´ve said that I don´t care
That I´m immune to gloom, that I´m hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me, and they do

So what happens now?

Call in three months time and I´ll be fine, I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I´ll survive anyhow
I won´t recall the names and places of each sad occasion
But that´s no consolation here and now.
So what happens now?
note:
This is a song lyrics ‘Another Suitcase Another Hall’ from EVITA. I put it because somehow it resonate.

New Resolution-Ku

Happy new year 2018! Well, this post is kind a too late but, it is still January tho. And I know, most of you haven’t thought about your new resolution for this year.

Or have you?

Ada seloroh yang selalu diucapkan tentang resolusi baru ini. “Resolusi gue tahun ini adalah sama dengan resolusi gw tahun lalu”. Haha, saya pun pernah berseloroh seperti itu. Bukan berarti kami (baca: saya) tidak mencapai apapun ya dengan mengulang resolusi. :p Hanya saja, resolusi awal tahun itu selalu berubah di tengah tahun, dan akhirnya saat akhir tahun mewujudkan yang lain.

Mr. Richard Bronson said you need to write down your new year resolution. Find anything. Your journal, blog, note, anything that you can see it – read it over and over, so you remember it until you breathe and live your year thinking about your resolution.  Last sentence is not from Mr. Richard Bronson, that’s just me being exaggerate. *peace

So, this year, I wrote down my resolution in my private journal. Ya, menulis resolusi itu penting. But you still need find the best ones you want to achieve this year. Saya orang yang BM alias Banyak Mau, jadi buat saya, memilih fokus resolusi itu PR paling utama. Keep it simple but clear. So steps to get your resolutions achieved is clear. Itu nasihat saya kepada diri sendiri.

Nah, ada kabar baik turun dari ‘langit’ yang membantu saya bisa meraih satu dari resolusi itu. God is Good.

Sekarang saya sudah menulis resolusi saya, sisanya, saya butuh komitmen dan niat untuk menjalaninya. Satu PR lain yang harus jadi resolusi sebenarnya. Komitmen. Haha tahun depan saja yah :p

Intelligence of a Mouse

image taken from carmillaonline.com

Malam yang panjang. Saya tidak tidak bisa tidur.  Ini bukan karena kopi encer tadi sore. Pikiran saya sedang ruwet dan salah satunya adalah kekesalan saya terhadap tikus-tikus yang bebas keliaran di rumah.

Tolong jangan membayangkan bahwa saya memelihara tikus. Meski beberapa kali saya mendapati suara ‘klotak-klotek’ yang disusul suara “Ciit…ciit…ciit” di loteng atau di dapur, saya sempat berpikir, ‘Ahhh…ternyata si tikus’ dan itu membuat saya lega. Ha!  Kelegaan saya bahwa itu suara tikus kadang membuat saya sendiri heran. *sigh*.

Kenapa sih rumah saya terkesan bebas. Hmm.. jadi rumah saya memiliki area untuk jemur pakaian  dan setrika di atas rumah dengan akses terbuka. Artinya, tanpa pintu dan tanpa penutup dari balkon atas sehingga, siapapun, apapun, dari air hujan, kucing garong, tikus sampai maling bisa masuk ke rumah sebenarnya. Hmm.. kalau dipikir kok bahaya yaa?!

Kembali ke kekesalan saya dengan tikus-tikus keparat itu. Pernah berurusan dengan tikus? Sudah pasti reaksi pertama begitu tahu ada tikus di rumah adalah naik ke atas kursi, eer,..bagaimana menangkapnya? Dulu alm bapak selalu menggunakan lem tikus. Ini adalah kemajuan karena jauuuhh sebelumnya, bapak malah masih menggunakan alat perangkat yang berbentuk kotak dari besi, dengan penjepit dan umpan yang dipasang (umpan bisa  berupa daging, ikan, apa aja. Ya, tidak harus keju seperti di kartun-kartun).

Bagaimana cara menaruh perangkap dengan lem tikus? Saya dan ibu saya hanya menaruhnya di jalur-jalur dimana para tikus-tikus itu biasa jalan-jalan. Hmm.. ngeselin memang. Bahkan tikus saja bisa jalan-jalan. -___- ‘ Kami pernah menangkap 2 di 1 papan lem, atau tidak sama sekali. Kalau tidak ada sama sekali, saya berpikir, apa tikus ini pintar? Apa mereka memiliki kapasitas belajar dari pengalaman kah?

Tetapi menurut pengamatan sepihak saya yang tidak terlalu scientific, hipotesa itu benar. Ibu bercerita bahwa ia melihat sendiri, tikus itu lari memutari papan lem bukannya melewatinya. Saya mendengarnya ‘wtf’?! Saya coba lagi. Saya taruh papan lem di bawah kulkas. Karena beberapa minggu lalu, perangkap saya berhasil disana. Namun kali ini saya tidak berhasil. Benar juga kata ibu, tikus itu belajar dari pengalaman. Geez… Tapi saya tidak mau kalah. Setelah di bawah kulkas tidak berhasil, saya pindahkan perangkat di bawah rak sepatu. Voila! That a damn right decision. Tidak lama kemudian, jebakan saya di bawah rak sudah memiliki 1 pengguni dengan suara ‘ciit..ciiit…ciit’ yang melirih.

Saya dan ibu ‘high-five’ kemenangan. Kami mengamati tikus yang menggeliat mencoba untuk keluar dari papan lem. Senyum sinis keluar dari sudut mulut saya. Lalu ibu memutuskan untuk membiarkan dulu. Beberapa hari, si tikus yang terperangkap mendapatkan teman lain pada saat saya menganggap mereka punya intuisi tajam adanya jebakan yang masih dipasang. Ternyata, masih ada saja tikus rookie yang tidak tahu ada jebakan disitu. Voila! two in one.  Saya dan ibu tertawa puas karena kami masih menang.

Two mouses have gone, but we don’t know how many that still gonna come and ‘play’ to our house. Our battle never ends. Tapi setidaknya, kami mulai memahami habit mereka, dan mengatur strategi baru setiap kali ada yang terperangkap.

Midnight Thought : What makes me cry

Sigh… terus terang tulisan ini adalah arti harafiah dari judul. Ya, saya tidak bisa tidur dan besok saya harus bangun pagi untuk siaran pagi. Tapi di kepala ini sepertinya berisik banget. Banyak sekali yang harus dikeluarkan. Andai saja saya punya pensieve seperti Dumbledore.

Apa yang membuat kamu menangis? Patah hati? Dimarahin orang tua? Tidak punya teman? Tidak diperhatikan? Dipukul? Sepertinya semua yang tulis pernah dialami semua orang. Saya juga kok.  Dulu. Makin dewasa, sebab yang membuat saya menangis semakin spesifik. Kehilangan sosok yang dekat seperti keluarga untuk selamanya? Merasa gagal? Malu akan kelemahan diri sendiri? ‘Jatuh’ karena kesalahan sendiri? Saya juga sudah mengalaminya.  Di usia pertengahan 30 sepertinya wajar saja ya kalau menangis karena itu semua. Saya pikir juga itu wajar. Menurut saya, menangis adalah pertahanan pertama terhadap apapun yang menyentuh emosi. Setelah itu saya baru bisa berpikir apa yang harus dilakukan terhadap apapun itu.

Saya ingat saya menangis di hadapan bos saya ketika ditanya kelemahan saya. Saya tidak tahu kenapa, tetapi membuka kelemahan diri di depan orang lain pada saat itu adalah titik rapuh  saya dan saya break down kemudian saya menangis . *sigh*  Tapi saya belajar, mengakui kelemahan bukan berarti saya salah atau kalah.

Selain sebab menangis yang sudah saya sebutkan tadi, ada juga sebab menangis yang lain. Beberapa hari kemarin saya menonton ulang drama korea Reply 1988. Sudah berapa kali hidung saya beringus dan airmata ini keluar layaknya saat saya patah hati. Lalu, film Monster Call yang malam ini saya tonton juga membuat saya beringus dan airmata mengalir deras sampai hati ini terasa ngilu.

Hell, jangan salah, bahkan film animasi pun bisa membuat saya menangis. Norak? Mungkin ya..haha. Tapi cerita yang bisa menyentuh emosi patut diancungi apalagi bisa membuat saya menangis terisak dan beringus. Tapi kemudian saya mendapatkan ‘tamu’ beberapa hari setelahnya.

Saya jadi berpikir, sebenarnya apakah saya benar-benar terhanyut karena cerita atau karena faktor hormon tidak stabil saat PMS sehingga saya mudah sensitif dan terjadilah airmata itu. Jika memang begitu, berarti bisa jadi PMS adalah sebab lain saya menangis.

Aniway….

Sebab lain saya menangis adalah ketidakadilan dan ketidakmanusiawian (<— apakah ini benar ejaannya?), kepicikkan pikiran, kebutaan akan kebenaran. Well,  memang tidak serta merta saya akan menangis saat melihat si abang tukang sayur memberi sejumput cabe rawit lebih banyak dengan harga sama kepada ibu-ibu yang menyela saat saya sedang belanja sayur. Meski itu suatu ketidakadilan mutlak karena saya tahu cabe mahal dan saya membayar dengan jumlah yang sama.

Kapan itu saya merasa sedih saat isu SARA (gara-gara Ahok juga sih) kembali merebak. Sebagai kaum minoritas, saya sempat merasa tidak aman dan terancam. Iya , itu benar. Saya sempat berpikir, apa yang terjadi jika kebhinekaan ini tidak ada? Saya harus migrasikah? Apakah saya bisa hidup dengan tenang dan mendapat perlakukan adil? Bagaimana saya dan keluarga saya menjalani hari-hari? Terus terang saya sempat sampai berpikir begitu. Dan ketakutan itu untungnya hanya sampai pada sisi emosi prihatin (Pak SBY, pinjem katanya ya). Tapi akhirnya saya mencoba untuk percaya kepada pemerintah, percaya kepada sistem yang menurut saya harusnya diperbaiki, percaya kepada cendekiawan bahwa kebhinekaan Indonesia tidak akan hilang.

Sudah pukul 01:23 AM pagi, dan saya sudah mengantuk.
Lalu inti tulisan ini apa? Tidak ada, ini adalah doodling kata-kata yang stuk di kepala sekaligus mengisi waktu sambil menunggu rasa kantuk datang. Voila, kantuk sudah menaungi kelopak mata. Saya akhir tulisan ini disini.

Sampai lain waktu ok!

Cooling Down The Atmosphere

There is no perfect time to deal with heart matter
Just like there is no perfect time when life give you a challenge
There is no ‘supposed to be like this’ or ‘it should be like that’
We are not God. We are not a ruler. Or in this case. I am no God or a ruler.

I can’t control what happen in other’s mind or heart.
Just like I can’t control people’s mind about me.
What I can control is my behaviour, my dignity, my attitude, my honour, my heart.
What I can control is trying my best not to make others hurt or disappointed.
What I believe is Trying my best to make my own self happy and hoping everyone happy, though we can’t make everyone happy.

Too many theory can make us forget that life is not theory. Life is practical. Life is not measured by manual book. There is no manual book ” Live your life for Dummies” (or is there? ).
It is just trial and error. If you fall, is not how far you fall, but how you can climb up again?