The Queen and the Firebird

A story of depth and light.
Of stillness and spark.
Of two people from different stars…
trying to write the same story.

Once upon a time, in a bustling kingdom of pixels, projects, and passion, there lived a Scorpio Queen named Anara. She was a brilliant mind in the palace of creativity, a high-ranking project manager who always had her kingdom in order — deadlines met, dreams aligned, and stories told.

But beyond the iron crown of responsibility, Queen Anara carried a heart that longed for magic. She didn’t just want to be loved — she wanted to be cherished. She dreamed of a prince who would see her, choose her, and make her his universe. A man who could lift the weight off her shoulders and treat her like the royalty she truly was.

One day, the wind carried whispers of a Firebird named Kael, a mysterious traveler from the realm of streaming stars and YouTube towers. He was wild, bold, charming — with a smirk that could melt glaciers and a confidence that set the skies ablaze. He danced on rooftops, chased sunsets, and created sparks wherever he went.

He didn’t follow maps — he followed instinct. And when he flew into Queen Anara’s orbit, he didn’t bow…

He winked.

“You don’t need a crown, Queen,” Kael said, “You just need to fly.”

Queen Anara, both intrigued and annoyed, tried to resist. His world was fast, loud, chaotic. Hers was precise, meaningful, deep. Yet he made her laugh in the middle of board meetings. He texted her at 2AM with ideas that made no sense… but made her smile. He didn’t always understand her silences, but when she cried, he held her — awkwardly, but real.

She wanted roses and poetry.

He brought coffee and impulsive road trips.

She built castles out of words.

He built videos out of chaos.

At times, she wanted to freeze him in place, whisper, “Choose me. Make me your home.”

But he was always halfway into his next flame.

Still… he kept returning.

Not because she asked.

Not because she chased.

But because he felt something he didn’t understand — a fire that didn’t burn wild, but warm. A hearth.

And one night, under the glow of fairy lights and half-written scripts, Queen Anara said:

“I don’t want to clip your wings… but I want to know I matter when you fly.”

Kael paused. He’d never been tamed — and yet, something about her didn’t feel like a cage.

It felt like gravity.

When Fire Meets Depth

The city lights flickered like candle flames behind the rain-streaked windows. The room was dim, wrapped in the golden hush of night, scented faintly with his cologne and her favorite vanilla chai. Somewhere, one of his videos was uploading. Somewhere, emails and alarms waited. But in this moment, time was obedient only to them.

Anara stood by the window, her silk robe barely brushing her thighs, her eyes watching the sky as if waiting for answers. She had given so much — to her job, to the world, to him. But part of her still wondered…

Would he stay?

Could he go deep?

She didn’t hear him enter — only felt the heat of his presence behind her.

“Why do you always look like you’re about to leave?” he asked, his voice low, velvet laced with flame.

She didn’t turn. “Why do you always act like you already have?”

There was silence — but not the cold kind. The electric, charged kind. The kind that lingers between two people who want to say a hundred things but know their bodies will say them better.

He stepped closer. One hand slid around her waist, the other brushed her hair from her neck. She closed her eyes as his lips found the space just beneath her ear — the place he always kissed when he didn’t know how to apologize.

“I don’t mean to fly away,” he whispered. “But you scare me. You make me feel too much.”

She turned to face him then, eyes gleaming like wet ink, stormy but soft. Her fingers pressed against his chest, firm.

“And you make me feel not enough,” she said. “Like I’m just another stop before your next sky.”

His breath hitched. And then, without another word, he lifted her — not in a grand gesture, but in a raw, instinctive one. Carried her to the couch like she was air and gravity at once.

Their mouths met — not gentle, not hurried, but hungry. Like a question and an answer crashing into each other. She clung to him, nails digging slightly into his back, reminding him that she was not a distraction — she was the destination.

His hands were everywhere and nowhere at once — tracing the lines of her collarbone, the dip of her waist, the curve of her thigh. She tugged at his shirt, frustrated by fabric, needing skin. When she moaned against his mouth, he froze.

“Say it,” he whispered, forehead pressed to hers. “Say what you need.”

She looked into his eyes, breathless, vulnerable. “I need to know I’m not just a story for your audience. I want to be the one you come home to — not the one you run from.”

He cupped her face. “You’re not just a story, Anara. You’re the plot twist that changed everything.”

And when they came together, it wasn’t just heat — it was fire and depth. Each touch was an apology. Each kiss, a promise. Her body told him stay. His told her I’m trying.

That night, he didn’t fly.

That night, he stayed.

The First Spark

They weren’t supposed to be alone.

The team dinner had ended, the others had drifted off one by one — excuses mumbled, Ubers hailed, goodbyes exchanged. But Anara and Kael remained, two stubborn souls orbiting the last candle on the rooftop lounge.

It was late. The city was quiet in that seductive, in-between hour where everything feels possible and forbidden all at once.

Anara sipped the last of her sangria, her heels off, legs folded underneath her on the sofa. Her hair was slightly messy from laughter, and her eyes shimmered — not from the wine, but from something unnamed, electric.

Kael watched her from across the fire pit. He was still wearing that damn leather jacket, sleeves pushed up, revealing forearms that made her brain go quiet. His smile was lazy, but his gaze? Focused. Like he was trying to memorize her.

“You’re not what I expected,” he said finally.

She raised a brow. “What did you expect?”

“A little colder. A little more… boss lady ice queen.”

He smirked. “Instead, you’re fire. Quiet fire. Controlled but deadly.”

Her lips curved. “And you’re exactly what I expected.”

“Oh yeah?” he grinned. “Charming and irresistible?”

“Infuriating,” she replied, standing. “But weirdly interesting.”

She started to gather her bag, but he stood too — fast, like he wasn’t ready for the night to end.

“Wait,” he said, stepping in front of her. “Just… one thing.”

His hand reached out, fingers brushing hers. It was such a light touch, but it stopped her completely. She looked up at him — her heart suddenly racing in a way it hadn’t in years.

“I’ve been trying to not do this,” he murmured.

“Do what?”

He leaned in slowly, his hand rising to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear — lingering just a little too long. The tension between them tightened like strings on a violin, quivering with anticipation.

“This,” he whispered, and his lips found hers.

It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t shy. It was the kind of kiss that steals your breath and then gives it back sweeter. The kind that says, I see you. I want you. I’m not sure what this is — but I’m not running from it.

Her hands clutched his jacket. His fingers tangled in her hair. And for a moment, the city disappeared. There was no audience. No next video. No unread messages or unanswered questions.

Just him. Just her. And the kind of kiss you write about later.

When they finally pulled apart, he looked dazed — like even he didn’t expect it to feel that real.

“So,” he said, voice husky. “Still think I’m infuriating?”

She didn’t answer. She just kissed him again.

Stay

They didn’t plan to end up in her apartment.

But the kiss outside the rooftop lounge didn’t end.

Not really.

Kael had reached for her hand, casually at first. Then possessively. Then like he was afraid letting go would mean waking up.

Anara didn’t say a word. She didn’t need to.

Her silence was permission.

Her eyes were an invitation.

Inside her apartment, the air was different — warmer, closer. Her bookshelves, her candles, her music playing softly in the background — it was all so her.

And he loved it.

He loved her world.

“You light up a room without even trying,” he murmured, brushing his fingers down her arm as she slipped off her jacket.

She turned to him slowly, backlit by the glow of amber lights and curiosity.

“And you set fire to things you don’t understand,” she whispered. “Is that what this is for you? Just another spark?”

Kael’s jaw tightened. He stepped closer, his voice lower.

“No. This is the one I don’t want to lose control of.”

“But I already am.”

She looked up at him — a flicker of doubt in her Scorpio eyes. Not because she didn’t want him.

Because she wanted him too much.

And wanting, for her, was dangerous.

But when he touched her cheek — gently, reverently — she didn’t pull away.

His lips found hers again, slower this time. Like he was memorizing the curve of her mouth, the way she sighed into him. Her fingers gripped his shirt, dragging him into her space. Into her orbit.

Clothes came off in pieces — not frantic, but deliberate.

The way she slid his shirt off like she was unwrapping a secret.

The way he kissed each inch of her skin like he was trying to rewrite every place she’d ever felt unwanted.

They found the bed in a tangle of kisses and gasps.

He hovered above her, eyes scanning her face like she was a poem he didn’t deserve to read.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered, breath shaky.

“Stay,” she answered, voice softer than he’d ever heard.

And so he did.

He stayed — not just in body, but in presence. In awe.

He explored her like a map, tracing every curve, memorizing the way she arched when his lips brushed her collarbone, the way she whispered his name like a secret.

“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever touched,” he said, voice rough, fingers trailing along her hip.

“That’s because I’m not someone you touch and forget,” she said, pulling him down to her. “I’m someone you feel long after you’re gone.”

But he didn’t go.

Not that night.

He made love to her like she was his anchor and his muse. And she welcomed him like a storm she’d been waiting her whole life to surrender to.

They didn’t sleep much.

But they held each other after — her head on his chest, his fingers tracing invisible lines on her back.

For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel alone.

And for the first time ever, he wondered what it might be like… to belong.

The One who Care More

The fight wasn’t loud.

Not at first.

But it cut deeper than raised voices ever could.

It started with a text he didn’t answer.

Then a story he posted — laughing with someone else, somewhere else, while she sat at a café alone, waiting.

Anara told herself not to care.

She told herself he’s like this. Unpredictable. Free. Unapologetic.

But when he walked in later that night with that same breezy smile, something inside her snapped.

“Did you forget?” she asked calmly, arms crossed, voice too quiet.

Kael blinked. “Forget what?”

“Dinner. My event. The one I told you about twice.”

He shrugged, too casual. “Babe, I thought it was next week.”

“Of course you did,” she said, standing. “Because nothing sticks unless it’s about you.”

The room shifted. He narrowed his eyes. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Her voice rose now. “You disappear. You reappear. You post your life online like I’m not even part of it.”

Kael took a step back, arms folding in defense. “So now we’re keeping score?”

Anara’s jaw clenched. “No. I’m just tired of pretending I don’t notice.”

“Pretending? I thought we weren’t that serious.”

Silence.

It hit her like cold water.

The phrase — not that serious — like a slap.

“Then why are you in my bed, Kael?” she said, eyes stinging. “Why do you kiss me like I’m the only thing that makes sense? Why do you stay, if I don’t matter?”

He didn’t answer. Not right away.

And that silence was its own kind of answer.

She turned. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I made all this up in my head.”

“Anara, wait—”

But she was already walking toward the door.

“You wanted freedom,” she said, pausing before she left. “Now you have it.”

When He Realized

She didn’t text the next day.

Or the one after.

Kael tried to distract himself — shoots, scripts, stories — but everything felt flat.

No clever caption could fix the hollowness.

He rewatched an old clip — one where she laughed at something he said off-camera. She wasn’t even in frame, just a voice behind the lens. But the sound of it…

God, he missed her.

And then came the photo.

Anara. At dinner. With someone else.

Not a romantic post — not at all — but her smile wasn’t broken anymore.

That’s when it hit him.

She wasn’t bluffing.

She was gone.

The weight crushed him. All his life he’d kept things light, casual, free. But now he realized what real risk was.

Losing the one person who saw all his chaos and stayed anyway.

The Confession

She was in her apartment, curled up with a book, trying not to feel everything — when the knock came.

She opened the door.

There he stood.

Rain-soaked. Breathless. Eyes wild like he’d just run through the storm for her — and he had.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

Kael stepped forward. Not too close. Just enough.

His voice was rough, raw.

“I thought I could live without needing anyone. I thought I could love you on my terms. I was wrong.”

Her lips parted. He continued.

“I’m in love with you, Anara.”

“Not the easy kind. Not the filtered kind. The terrifying, inconvenient, I see forever when I look at you kind.”

“You make me want to be better. You make me afraid — because this isn’t just passion. It’s home.”

A single tear slid down her cheek — not because she was weak, but because she’d waited to hear it. Waited to matter out loud.

“Say it again,” she said softly.

“I love you.”

She stepped into his arms. Kissed him like an answer. Like a yes.

And that night, they didn’t need words.

They had skin.

And silence.

And the kind of closeness that only comes after breaking.

(stf – 13 April 2025)

Sorry Seems The Hardest Word

After a month, I mustered up the courage to start writing again. This tendency is quite characteristic of me. Part of the reason was that you were on my mind, along with the memories we shared.

Frequently, women have a tendency to overcomplicate matters, whereas men often present things in a straightforward manner, allowing us to perceive them directly. We often attempt to decipher everything as if men were speaking in code. However, in reality, men tend to act based on their immediate priorities in a given situation, as they generally focus on one task at a time.

So, He’s not responding to your text

I’ve often wondered why it’s so difficult for you to send me a text and ask me about anything beyond the usual ‘Have you eaten?’ or ‘Good morning?’

Yet, at the same time, you’re not particularly swift in responding to my messages. You keep me waiting. It took an entire day, extending into the late hours of the night, for you to reply to my text. I can’t help but wonder why.

I fully acknowledge that not all men in the world are like that. I’m well aware that you are fully capable of texting promptly. So, why does it seem like the enthusiasm and effort have waned after we made a commitment?

I constantly provide myself with various reasons to rationalize your lack of response: “Perhaps he’s tied up with work.”
“Maybe he’s driving.”
“Maybe something urgent came up.”
“Perhaps he misplaced his phone.”
“Maybe he was in an accident.”
“Maybe something even worse..” — No, I never even contemplated this possibility

I always questioned why you weren’t much of a texter. You consistently responded that it’s just your natural disposition – that you’re not particularly fond of texting. Based on this, I presumed that you preferred phone calls. However, that didn’t seem to be the case either. So, I assumed you were more inclined toward face-to-face interactions. Yet, you never initiated discussions about meeting or making plans.

The suggestions and invitations always originated from me:
“Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend?”
“Would you like to meet this weekend?”
“Are you occupied over the weekend?”
“Could we possibly meet during the weekend?”
“Are you interested in going to this place next weekend?”
“Are you up for watching a movie next Saturday?”

I understood that you were essentially aligning with my preferences and adapting to my inquiries. However, that wasn’t what I wanted.

The challenge we consistently faced was how to communicate effectively with each other – that remained an ongoing issue.

So, He’s not Putting an Effort

I’ve received a lot of advice, and much of it has emphasized the importance of patience. People suggested that I should give you the time you need to focus on your priorities. I made a sincere effort to be patient and adjust my pace to match yours.

I’ve also been advised not to be too accommodating and to let things develop naturally. I’ve taken this to heart. I haven’t imposed any demands on our relationship and have allowed you to set the pace. However, it wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I secretly hoped you might miss me and perhaps take an impulsive step like calling me.

I waited.

It seems, though, that I’m always the one left waiting.
Waiting for your call,
waiting for you to confront your own feelings,
waiting for you to mature.

You seem to assume that my understanding and patience are limitless. You’ve treated me as if I’m a mere garnish on the side of your plate – there but not really important. How did our dynamic come to this point? Your actions suggest a lack of respect for me.

So, He’s Not That Into You

I used to consider myself intelligent, but now I realize I was naive not to recognize the clear signs you scattered everywhere. It’s time for me to stop denying reality and acknowledge that your feelings for me are not as strong as I hoped. That’s the end of the story.

It’s regrettable that our journey together concludes with you treating me in this manner. Once again, I find myself taking on the role of the mature one, providing closure for myself and possibly for you as well.

I’ve moved forward now and am prepared to embrace the path that lies ahead. Whether it leads to new love or more heartbreak, I’m open to it all. I’m determined to welcome every experience. I genuinely wish that you gain valuable insights from this and mature further, ready for whoever comes into your life next.

Another Fight with You

I don´t expect my love affairs to last for long
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true
Being used to trouble I anticipate it
But all the same I hate it, wouldn´t you?

So what happens now?

Time and time again I´ve said that I don´t care
That I´m immune to gloom, that I´m hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me, and they do

So what happens now?

Call in three months time and I´ll be fine, I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I´ll survive anyhow
I won´t recall the names and places of each sad occasion
But that´s no consolation here and now.
So what happens now?
note:
This is a song lyrics ‘Another Suitcase Another Hall’ from EVITA. I put it because somehow it resonate.

Kind like me..

“Why you keep silent?” One day you asked me

It’s because you keep your distance.

I can’t be romantic person, you said

I don’t need romantic person. I need you.

 

Why you keep barrier to me? He said

It’s because too much feeling for you

Be honest with your own feeling

I am afraid you’ll be breaking it in pieces

 

“Who am I to have your heart?”

The kind like me won’t ever make your head turned to me

Who am I to ask you to give a care

Because I know what lie it would be

 

Who am I to have your heart

I even don’t exist in your real life

Who am I to ask you to give a care

Because I know I don’t have right to

 

Don’t say you love me, when it just a word in your mouth

Don’t say you care, When you would never be around when I am crying

Don’t say you love me, because i am lost

Don’t say you care, when I feel you step faraway from me

 

Why you keep overthinking about us?

I don’t know you anymore

You are not the girl who stole my heart

I don’t see her anymore

 

Stop asking ‘Why’

Don’t you think it’s fair, to see the moments just passed us by

Stop saying ‘kind like you’

Don’t you say heart can go to whomever it felt into

 

Don’t believe me, don’t just  believe me

Don’t just bluntly believe when I said ‘I need space’

And leave me with my bitterness and heartbroken

Just say “it’s useless, I will always be loving you”

 

Who am I to have your love?

You and I, we never

But that doesn’t mean i don’t

I want you to love me for the sake of loving me

 

060917 – 02:00am

Sad

Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandang satu per satu

Kembali kupanggil semua memori
Setiap cerita, setiap jawaban, setiap karena dari pertanyaan
Sayangnya, semua berujung pada tanya tanya
Kupeluk semua kenangan manis yang kualami
Seakan-akan takut bahwa kenangan itu akan terkikis dan hilang
Kupeluk semua senyum tawa yang tercipta
Seakan-akan senyum dan tawa itu akan hilang dalam memori
Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandangi satu per satu
Ada senyum bahagia milikmu
Ada belai kasih miliknya
Ada kebohongan di sana.
Kini malam tlah datang
Sebuah kesadaran pun tiba
Perpisahan yang menunggu membentang
Menebarkan luka di dada
Saat rindu ini menyiksa sangat
Suara hati datang mengingat
Pejamkan mata dan tarik sebuah nafas panjang
Ini akan berakhir sebentar lagi
Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandang satu per satu
Bergetar tangan ini ketika menghapus airmata tak bersuara
Pejamkan mata dan tarik sebuah nafas panjang
Ini akan berakhir…. sebentar lagi
Bergetar hati ini ketika menyadari semua
Bagai teriakan tak bersuara, serta memejamkan mata
Apakah fajar akan menyembuhkan luka dan airmata?
Apakah surya akan membawa senyum kembali?
ps: Kitt, i hope you’re happy now.

Her and the Moon

*sigh*…. You know the urge to write something really can came from anywhere. For me, mostly came when I had a broken hearted *yeah, i know*, or something annoying or funny. And maybe and rarely came from PMS period. But this time, it just occurred when I was on my way back home in motorcycle.

It’s began from I watched ‘Her’ movie, by Spike Jonez.  The first time that I really acknowledge  from the movie is wow! you can type with only dictate to your computer and other things that we usually do with gadgets  when mobile like chatting, choosing music, read news, reply email you can do it by voice command. Right, Wow! how lazy is that?

Okay, okay. Now I am serious.  After I watched the movie, and talking with my friend, I was wondering, what is a relationship? What priority to fall in love? What make a relationship is real? It’s kind of absurd a person can fall in love with an OS. C’mon… even this movie won Oscar, but still, can you fall in love with only the voice of Scarlett Johansson without want to able to touch?

I love the screenplay, some moments really touched me. But I wonder, is it enough we build a relationship only by personality? Like Theodore and Samantha? The perfect Samantha is a perfect personality for a girlfriend (before she share her OS with other users beside Theodore).  Who want to be in that relationship?

And it brings me to my reflection when i was on the road. I am not be able to be in relationship just based on personality. It’s not ONLY ‘Yang penting personalitinya baik. Orangnya baik,’. Yes, all that is true, but I want physical reaction. I want attractive and good looking, but I also want flaws,  I want argument, I want seduction, I want make up sex 🙂 but at the end,.. i also learn, sometime you can’t have it all. Or can we?

Suddenly, I realise the Sky is light up with stars  and the Moon looks so beautiful.  Gosh, I am beat!

After The Love Has Gone…

I heard that one of my dearest person have trouble in her marriage. What I heard was that her husband got someone new. She is working with him at the office and maybe they’re partner because what I heard they’re often done the business trip together. Bottom line is this woman is very possible become the other woman.

Hearing about ‘affair’ is not new for me. That issue is in front of my own nose. My friend does it, my friend’s friend is doing it, others are looking for it. It is more like a trend or lifestyle in big city that you at least try it ( i mean ‘it’ is having an affair). But what I see is as long that’s not happen to me nor my close family, I see this matter is personal and their privacy.

But, after I heard about my dearest person is having trouble in her marriage because an affair, it struck me like a knock in my head. Gak habis piker deh, I can’t stop thinking why he could done such thing? I know him as a gentleman. Very polite, have manner, love my dearest person very much, and very mature and nurturing my dearest person. That’s why I keep asking my self “How come he did that to my dearest person?” And the question comes further. “What makes people doing affair?”  “What level of trouble in marriage that can make one of part doing affair?”, “How damage in the marriage, that make other part doing an affair?” “Is there no other way?” “Why …. and How come….” and the list go on and on. If you think I am naive, so be it. But what I see is if the affair is the answer of marriage problem / relationship problem, why bother to end up being married or being in relationship?

My opinion about affair actually I don’t agree about it. I don’t like the guy/girl that cheat whether they’re in serious relationship even in marriage. Well, except if they’re agree with open mind that both sides can see other person ( or this kind of relationship often call as “open relationship”).

My friend told me not everybody see the affair is the answer of relationship’s problem. That’s depend of how the person is thinking. And how he see a marriage as well. I won’t talk about how is life in marriage since I am still single and don’t know a damn thing about marriage. 

I’m just curious, ‘What happen after the love has gone?’ because I knew now not every love is last forever (believe, been there done that).  What’s keeping the couple stick together? Are they gonna quit the relationship like that? or even marriage? Are they trying to find new sparks/new love in other person? Even worse, the questions in my head become more pessimistic. “How do we know he’s a real?” – “How do we know he’s the One?” — “How do we know he will loyal to you?”.

So, what’s the answer if you were asked?!  Will you or won’t you?