I have never… never ever thought living less give more value. We are not poor, I mean my family, but we are not rich people too. I think we are what you called middle class in common. We are enough.
I was blessed to have a happy childhood. That time, little I know about branded things or high technology. I was happy whatever my parents gave me. Such as board game as cheap as Halma ( not UNO ) and Monopoly nasional or even ‘taplak’ game or ‘main karet’ were enough to make me happy.
There were times I want more expensive stuffs like rollerblades, bicycle and even ‘tamagochi pet’. That time I cried and beg to my parents to buy rollerblades for me, or tamagochi pet. But no matter how long or how hard I begged or cried, my parents didn’t bunch. My parents knew that all those things didn’t add value in my life. The Bicycle was the only one finally I got, though it was an old bicycle from my neighbour’s kid that broken. But my Dad repaired it, and it was mine. It just lifted my happiness like 100% because I can join with big kids (my brother and his friends) strolling the neighbourhood.
And because when I was a child I couldn’t ask anything — even my elementary uniform was pre loved from my brother. When I am in my adult year, when I can make my own money, when the decision is on me, that gave me the sensation that I could do anything and buying anything if I can afford that.
esqnews.id
So, If I have this shoes, or I have this dress, these jeans, that makes me happy — I bought it. Or I said to myself, I already worked hard, I deserved these shoes. Thought I already have 2 pairs same shoes or dress or jeans.
Sometimes, I said to myself, this shirt cute with these jeans, or this shoes pair with those pants, and that will make me awesome. That’s my defence before I pull out my card to the cashier.
My Dad that always remind me to save my money. My friend told me to buy something that can be an investment in the future. Well, I realized they were right. So, I bought a house. And now I have a mortgage that follows me 15 years. But it is worth the value.
30 DAYS #MinsGame
So, I’ve been listening to the Minimalist’ Podcast – Joshua Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus. So, after listening to the podcast more and more, I just realized, over the years of my adult life, I become so focus with stuff to make me happy or unconsciously substitute my need for true happiness with stuffs.
There is nothing wrong with buying stuffs/things, but maybe it gets undervalued when you start to buy things just because you can or just to fill your ego or when you don’t really need it.
So, I did my checking list. And turned out, I have a lot (sadly) stuffs that I don’t really need or even use after I bought them. I just want to have them. It’s not really healthy actually. Ugh.
This 30 Days #MinsGame is from the Minimalist. The game is too declutter your home/ your room, your life to eliminate stuffs that you don’t use. Could be anything. I mean ANYTHING. Kitchenware, clothing, collectables, decorations, socks, etc.
So, here I am.. trying to declutter. Crossed fingers.
The year 2020 proved to be challenging for me and for people worldwide due to the global struggle caused by the pandemic. Working from home for almost 11 months significantly altered my lifestyle. Without the daily interactions with friends at work, my focus shifted to discussions with my laptop, transforming me as a person.
One positive aspect was that I became more attuned to myself, engaging in self-reflection and pondering what I truly wanted in life. I realized I had been merely going along with the flow without truly listening to my own desires.
Despite this newfound awareness, a void lingered within me, and I struggled to find passion in anything. To address this, I experimented with new activities like doodling, scrapbooking, and book coloring, finding temporary solace. However, each attempt eventually led to distraction, and the void persisted.
On December 31, 2020, I watched “The Minimalists: Less is Now” on Netflix. The documentary shed light on my habit of accumulating things that added little value to my life. The Minimalists, Jason and Ryan, shared their experiences, and I felt a connection with their message. While I may not be a hoarder, I realized I often spent money on unnecessary items, lured by their fleeting charm.
The Minimalist Blog (https://www.theminimalists.com/) provided further insight into my struggles with focus and priorities. Acknowledging this, my resolution for the year is to refocus my priorities by decluttering my life. I aim to create space for items that genuinely add value.
Inspired by The Minimalists, I plan to undertake the 30 Day Minimalism Game as a beginner. Interested in my journey? Stay tuned for updates on my challenge!
It didn’t pass with flying colours. Since March, I have been working remotely from home. The first month was quite easy, and I was excited, thinking, “Ah, I can multitask while working” — or at least that’s what I thought. During the initial month of working at home, my excitement grew, especially since I had a reason to buy a work desk and an office chair to create a designated office space in the house. However, creating the office corner turned out to be quite expensive for my budget. In an attempt to consolidate, I purchased a side desk with rolling wheels, allowing me to move it to any place at home. Unfortunately, that arrangement didn’t last long. My back and neck started hurting because the desk was shorter than my living room chair, leading to frustration with the situation. It became uncomfortable, challenging to focus, and I became overly sensitive about everything.
My work-at-home situation became increasingly distressful. After three months, I couldn’t leave the house due to the prevailing situation and the limited access policy imposed by the local government. The constant media updates about the victims of Covid-19 added to my paranoia, instilling a fear of engaging in activities. I even found myself frequently frustrated with my mom, who appeared nonchalant about the situation.
The situation worsened when the impact of Covid-19 reached the financial sector. Many people suffered due to the pandemic, with numerous businesses closing and payments being delayed, including those at my office. Personally, my cash flow was disrupted by this, and it started to get on my nerves. However, I somehow managed to repress my frustration and remain composed about it.
A (not) Beautiful Mind
During the 5th month, the flood of emotional crankiness got the best of me. I was consistently irritable, and even minor things would stress and agitate me. My mum always seemed to annoy me. I found myself yelling, screaming, and feeling frustrated.
Things continued to worsen. Despite my efforts to find a distraction and escape this version of myself, I was unsuccessful. At that time, I attributed it to my premenstrual syndrome, believing it would pass after my period. Blaming the period, as always.
I felt incredibly alone, with moments where no one seemed to understand or help me. As my situation began affecting my work and how I led projects, I hit a low point. When my work wasn’t going well and I felt helpless, alone, and stupid, I knew I had reached my limits. My defenses were shattered, and I cried. I cried until my tears dried, with only this keyboard and the silent house as witnesses.
During that moment, I even felt abandoned by God. It was not a beautiful mind.
I realized I was on the edge of depression, and if I didn’t pay attention, I could become sick not just physically but mentally. I needed to manage my emotions well to avoid losing myself entirely. Step by step, I first addressed my relationship with my mum. I talked to her about why I was always angry when she casually left the house, expressing my fear of her getting sick or contracting the virus.
Next, I focused on my work. I tried to plan more effectively, acknowledging that I might not meet my bosses’ expectations perfectly. I decided to let go of the pressure. If my efforts didn’t satisfy them, so be it. Some things are beyond my control. Still, I gave myself a friendly pat on the shoulder.
I then shared my struggles with my best friends. It’s not easy to admit difficulties, especially as a senior staff member. There are expectations from bosses and colleagues when you reach that level. Naturally, you’re not supposed to make the petty mistakes that rookies often do.
Sharing our problems with friends doesn’t always provide solutions, but it prevents you from feeling alone in carrying the burden. At the end of the day, you bear the burden yourself, but having that support and comfort is invaluable.
It’s Okay to be Not Okay
Automatically, when people ask, I would casually reply with ‘I am healthy too’ without much thought. However, I now realize that, in my current state of mind, such a response doesn’t come easily. This doesn’t mean that I’ll start openly sharing with everyone that I am not okay. Instead, I acknowledge to myself that I am not okay.
This marks the first time I’ve admitted on this blog that I am not okay mentally, and surprisingly, I am okay with that. I may not be proud of it, but admitting that I am not okay is the first step towards acknowledging the unknown steps that follow.
My mind is a tangle of scrambled threads, and I’m uncertain about how to unravel them all. Perhaps they’ll unwind one by one, or perhaps they won’t. I’ve come to understand that time doesn’t heal everything. Ignoring issues and hoping time will resolve them is a lesson I’ve learned from experience—it doesn’t work. The issues linger until you confront and address them, or you carry them with you until the end.
Now that I’ve honestly admitted I am not okay, I must summon the courage to identify the roots of my issues and confront them. As I’ve always believed, my health and happiness are my own responsibility—not others, not even my parents. Therefore, I need to “take care of myself first so that I can take care of others.”
I felt secure and fell in love with the country. In 2019, I finally visited Japan. It was an unplanned trip that began when my cousin randomly checked air flight tickets on a travel website. Suddenly, she shared a picture of cheap airfare from a well-known airline.
“7 million rupiahs for return tickets Jakarta – Japan – Jakarta” — What crossed my mind at that moment was, “Let’s go!” It was around October or November, and after some back-and-forth on dates, we decided to spend our New Year’s in Japan. The primary reason for traveling during the high season was to have a different New Year’s Eve experience, considering we were budget-conscious travelers. In my sensible years, I never traveled during the high season. Even domestically, my golden budget travel tips were to book well in advance and avoid peak seasons. However, this time, we threw caution to the wind. We only had two months before December, and that was considered the high season.
In our preparation, after going back and forth on hotels and destinations, I had to abandon some ambitious plans because we only had seven days for the trip. Originally, we planned for three destinations: Tokyo, Osaka, and Hakone. However, since the travel time between Osaka and Tokyo was a whole night, I decided to let go of Osaka, allowing us to enjoy Tokyo and Hakone more. Goodbye Hogwarts, and hello Disney Sea.
The day arrived, and we took an early morning flight with Cathay Pacific. For me, an early flight meant a night of delayed sleep because I couldn’t sleep at all the night before. So, before taking off from Soekarno – Hatta, I had already fallen asleep on the plane. Upon reaching Hong Kong for a 3-hour transit, we felt somewhat refreshed (after a good sleep :p) and, after another good sleep and not-so-good in-flight food, we looked for food. Thank goodness we had our credit card because our cash was just too good to be spent at the airport.
After another round of sleep and watching a movie (another 4 hours of flight), we landed in Narita, Japan. It was night, and we felt a bit jet-lagged after the long flight. I got nervous as we needed to reach the Klook counter to get our sim card before it closed at 22:00, and we landed at 20:30. The sim card was crucial as it was our only guide in this adventure.
My anxiety increased when we reached the immigration gate, and only one counter was open to service about 200 people. I told my cousin, “I am afraid we can’t get to the Klook counter on time. If we can’t get there before 22:00, we’re doomed.” Fortunately, we got through immigration at 21:30, and we were saved. The Klook representative was still there, and we got our sim card.
One thing to note when choosing a sim card over a wifi router is that Japan sim cards don’t work in any brand of Android phones. If you only have one phone (and it is Android), it’s better to check the website to see if your phone can be used in Japan. Luckily, I have an iPhone, so I relied on my iPhone with my Japan ‘Docomo’ sim card. My Xiaomi phone (I just found out) couldn’t be used at all, not even for wifi. So, my Xiaomi was only for the camera. Oh, you can work with tethering the Android phone from your iPhone, but that’s just so impractical.
My solo travel to Europe had given me a lot of confidence to travel without a travel bureau. I felt freedom. When I connected to the internet and Google Maps, I thought the rest of the travel would be fine. I was so wrong. First landing on Japanese soil and getting my connection to Google Maps, we needed to get our Suica card. I love this Suica card. It’s an IC card that makes life easier; it can be used as payment for trains, buses, and convenience stores. Essentially, it’s like e-money here but on a whole other level. Suica is a brand name. There are many other IC cards besides Suica, but I chose Suica because that’s what most travel bloggers use.
I won’t say it went smoothly to get to our hotel from the airport, no sir! First, we needed to take the sky train (Shinkansen-ish but not as expensive as them), and it only took us to downtown. From there, we needed to travel with JR (subway/MRT/Metro) to get to the hotel. This is where we got confused. To get on the JR train, we needed that Suica card. But first, we needed to get out from the sky train platform to the JR train platform. We didn’t know that. I thought changing platforms meant just getting out and getting in since we had already paid such an expensive price for the sky train.
So, I used my sky train ticket to get out from the platform and enter another platform. Actually, the gate did not allow me, but I trespassed it. That’s when the station officer called me, even though I was already on another platform. My cousin just laughed seeing what I did. The train station officer caught me in the act. Luckily, he knew we had just landed, forgave us, let us go, and told us to get a Suica first. But it was a bit of a loop. We asked the train station officer, he told us to go to the counter, we asked the counter, they said they don’t sell cards, only top up, so they directed us to a machine. The machine they pointed out turned out to only be for topping up, not for new Suica cards. So, we asked people again, and it went like that. Gosh, I think we spent almost an hour just to get a Suica card.
Yeah, we finally got the card (after long, confusing conversations with the other train station officer who was younger) and understood English a bit better. Yeay! It was another Paris moment. We went round and round just to get to the hotel. But we did reach our hotel, and before we could scream and jump that finally, we were in Japan, we had already given up and fallen into bed to sleep.
Disney Sea, Tokyo Tower and New Year’s
Tokyo Tower in New Year’s Eve
If you’re a fan of theme parks, Japan is the place to go (in case a trip to the US is not in your budget). They boast Disneyland and Universal Studios. Their Disneyland surpasses the size of Euro Disneyland in Paris, where I’ve also been (not very humble of me, sorry). In Japan, you can choose between Disneyland – the land of fairy tales, princes, and princesses – or a bit more adventure, meaning Disney Sea. Since my cousin and I have moved past the princess phase and don’t relish competing with babies, we opted for Disney Sea. :p
So, behold, we had fun with numerous queues (though the queue itself wasn’t the enjoyable part). We anticipated long lines, as we went on the last day of 2019 – December 31st. Every time we wanted to try a ride, we had to wait in line, and the queue could take almost 1.5 hours for a 5-minute ride. What an adventure, right? Despite tired feet and freezing weather, we were happy. I think that was the best day of our trip.
Okay, maybe I made too early a conclusion about the best day part. After Disney Sea, around 18:00, we headed home. I didn’t want to leave, but we only had a day pass, and people with after 6 tickets were already waiting at the gate. They were literally sitting in the parking lot, patiently waiting. That evening, the wind wasn’t pleasant at all – freezing and windy. But they all sat there, waiting patiently. Yes, they had prepared well to celebrate New Year’s Eve in Disney. I don’t know, but someday I will experience it too.
In short, we spent our New Year’s Eve in front of a shrine. We followed the crowd, and the crowd led us there, a shrine whose name I forgot. We were drawn to it because we saw Japanese monks preparing for a ceremony according to Shinto practices. They were all wearing robes with attractive colors. Seriously, they were beautiful robes. My cousin and I just stood there, waiting for midnight.
We watched them chant prayers, and when the clock finally struck midnight, the monks rang the big bells. Happy New Year! The crowd cheered, wishing each other a happy new year – friends, partners, couples with them, or those they called on the phone.
Happy New Year 2020! And there we were, among strangers, just the two of us. We had finally made our dream come true – celebrating New Year in Japan. However, that fact also struck me. Although we made our dream come true, personally, I felt lonely and missed home.
Shibuya, Kimono and Mount Fuji
One of the things I was most looking forward to on our trip to Japan was experiencing Shibuya Crossroads, Mount Fuji, and wearing a kimono. Hmm, okay, that’s three :).
Finally, we reached Shibuya. What surprised me was that it’s essentially just a large intersection, albeit a significant one. What makes it interesting is that when the pedestrian green light turns on, all pedestrians cross in all directions simultaneously, like a swarm of ants. That’s why Shibuya is famous. Many tourists were attempting to capture photos with the bustling crossing people in the background.
Shibuya crossroads at night time
When you’re in Japan, it feels almost essential to give yourself the chance to try on a kimono, at least in my point of view. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to do just that.
Despite having a fever and seriously catching a cold (with symptoms like fever, cough, and a runny nose), I didn’t spend much time outdoors. However, I still managed to make it to the Meiji Shrine and capture some pictures in a kimono.
somewhere with Tokyo Skytree as backround
One thing is for sure, Mount Fuji is breathtakingly beautiful. I didn’t mind the long journey to get there; it was absolutely worth it.
To reach Mount Fuji, we had to go to Hakone. We took the JR (Japan Railways) to a station whose name I’ve forgotten, and from there we boarded the shinkansen, or bullet train. Shinkansen tickets are not cheap, costing around 5000 yen for a single trip. Although we couldn’t reach Gotemba, it was okay because that day, we had the privilege of witnessing Hakone Ekiden.
It was an awesome experience, and I must say, ‘Wow!’ The people of Hakone came out to the streets, filling the sides to cheer on the Ekiden participants. Despite road closures due to the event, we were quite fortunate to witness it.
In Hakone, there is Owakudani, known for its black boiled eggs. It is believed that eating one egg adds seven years to your life. Well, I indulged in three eggs… hahaha. I guess I not only added 21 years but also increased my cholesterol level beyond the safe line. Hahaha…
My first Snow and Snow fall
Being a typical tropical creature, when visiting a four-season country, the desire to see snow is quite cliché, I know. But there’s this longing to taste it, feel it, and that’s why we planned our trip in January. I just wanted to make a snow angel in that fluffy white snow.
For our next adventure in Japan, we sought out a place with snow since Tokyo doesn’t experience snowfall, despite the cold. We headed to GALA Yuzawa Ski Area to find the snow. Once again, we had to use the Shinkansen for the round trip because it’s quite a distance from Tokyo.
Even though I still had my fever, the excitement overcame me. My cousin and I simply enjoyed our time with the snow and the falling flakes. It still feels surreal when I think about it now, but it happened – my first encounter with snow.
Another Visit
My 7-day trip to Japan felt more like a brief introduction than a full exploration. Japan, with its undeniable cold weather and higher living costs, still captivated me with its convenience, friendly people, delicious food, and unique ambiance. Despite the limited time, the experience left me longing for more.
I find myself curious about experiencing summer in Japan, particularly enjoying a fireworks festival in a Yukata. It sounds like a magical adventure waiting to unfold. I make a promise to myself that someday, somehow, I will return to Japan for a more extended visit.
Commitment can be challenging. I’ve been falling short of the commitment I made to write one blog per month. It’s just a blog, and they say it starts with small things. Hmpphhhfff…
Anyway, before you proceed, this post may feel a bit dark and depressed. Rest assured, I have no plans of being suicidal. So, you can read this without worry.
The reason I’m writing is my emotions. When I write, it means I’m trying to analyze my own feelings, my emotions. Sometimes, writing can give me a clue about why I feel the way I feel. And when I read it again, I can pinpoint – there’s my answer! Though sometimes, it doesn’t yield anything. But at least, I have one new blog post.
It’s been three months I’ve had this kind of feeling. Sometimes it’s intense and can bring me to tears, and other times my subconscious can repress it, and I can act like nothing’s wrong.
I know this isn’t just another premenstrual syndrome. Hormones go crazy in this phase. I know, been there, done that. But this is different. I have this edge inside me, a feeling of injustice. It irritates me and makes me angry – angry at someone else, angry at the environment, angry at the situation, and especially angry at myself. It affects my mood and behaviour. I don’t feel excited about anything I do. I used to love going to work, but now, I just do it because they already pay me. It’s just an obligation.
Then there’s a change in behaviour. I feel like I’m pulling away from everyone. I’ve lost interest in other people, except my family and close friends. I’ve gained a lot of weight. Another thing is I have trouble concentrating. If you talk to me, you might think I’m focused on you, but I’m not. I’m not even there, even on the road. There are moments when I seem ‘gone,’ and my body just goes on autopilot.
I’ve tried to find references about what’s happening to me. According to this article, there are 10 common depression symptoms. A few of the symptoms mentioned in that article are what I’m experiencing, what I’m struggling with right now.
I’m trying to maintain my sanity by focusing on my job. But then there’s an uncomfortable situation in the office that makes me not want to be there. I just want to remote work every day. But then, something happened. I commented in my WAG about my friend’s post. And I know my comment will trigger someone to reply. And I was right. He immediately private messaged me.
He was still the same person I knew, but with nothing to hide anymore. Surprisingly, I felt a wave of emotion coming through me. I know why I felt like that.
So, what now? How can I get out of this? Keep myself busy, read some motivational words, and keep my faith closer to God. I hope I can be strong. I hope it’s just hormones. I hope I can keep my sanity because right now, in my head, it’s just messed up. Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid I will break down, though I know my self-control can still manage it. But if it does happen, I want you all to know, I am trying.
I never thought of undertaking this journey alone. I am not that type of person, or at least, that was what I thought of myself. Until now, travelling has always been a fun activity for me, where I am not afraid of ‘being lost’ in that place. I vividly remember when I went to Singapore a few years ago with my friend. I heavily relied on her for directions, destinations, and even how to communicate. Well, Singapore, being the nearest neighbor, is still relatively easy for solo travel. But at that time, I did think, without my friend, I would surely be confused and lost.
Then, the opportunity arose. The chance to visit Europe again. This time, without the fear of getting lost, I gathered up the dreams that had been postponed since 2011, the first time I set foot on the continent.
Charles De Gaulle
We arrived at Charles De Gaulle International Airport in France at 21:30 Paris time (if I remember correctly). Still half-conscious from the long hours of flight, my travel companion and I followed the flow of other passengers to collect our baggage, contemplating how to get from Charles De Gaulle to Chessy, a town located an hour outside Paris.
Even though it was only 21:30 local time, airport activities like the information center were already closed. We were greeted only by stern-faced security personnel. None of the male or female security officers gave a ‘welcome’ expression to either of us. In my thoughts, I pondered how ‘cold’ this city seemed.
At that hour, Charles De Gaulle Airport didn’t leave a ‘Wow’ impression on me. I didn’t even have time to observe the design or architecture of the airport. The two of us were solely focused on figuring out how to get to the train station and head towards Chessy. Our ‘homework’ was not only to find out how to get to the train station but which train to take and how to purchase tickets. Honestly, I was of no use at that moment. Despite efforts to inquire here and there, I relied on my friend :(. After wandering around the airport for over an hour, we finally found clarity. Yes, we eventually found the train that would take us to Chessy
suburb area
EuroDisneyland, Paris
Although it’s called Euro Disneyland, Paris, it is not located in the city of Paris. Euro Disney is situated in Chessy, a small town outside Paris, requiring approximately 1 hour by train to reach our destination. Yes, because we also participated in the Half Marathon event at Run Disney 2018, we had to stay near the event location.
The atmosphere changed as we exited the subway towards the surface. Cold air immediately hit us. Luckily, I was still wearing a hoodie and training pants, so I got some warmth, but it didn’t last long. Long story short, we arrived at the hotel named New York Hotel at 23:30 locale time. Hungry and cold, but our tired bodies conquered all. We all collapsed on the bed.
I will share about the Half Marathon event in a separate post.
Paris, We are Here!
finally i see this in front of my eyes
We moved towards the city of Paris after the Half Marathon event because there were several seminars taking place in downtown Paris. However, Mon Dieu! The journey with the subway, or called ‘Metro’ in Paris, was not as picturesque as I imagined.
Dragging the suitcase, which weighed almost 20kg, was indeed exhausting. Not to mention, I also carried a backpack with a laptop. Initially, it was enjoyable (at the airport), but when entering uneven and rocky terrain, I had to balance between keeping up to avoid losing my friend and ensuring the suitcase wheels didn’t break. Moreover, many Metro stations in Paris turned out to have no escalators, so we had to go up and down stairs with a considerable number of steps. And here we are, pushing the luggage in the midst of the hustle and bustle of Parisians.
Heading to our hotel on Notre Dame de Lorette Street was full of challenges. Stairs adorned our journey every time we changed stations. We sweated profusely in the cold autumn air. However, I couldn’t hide my admiration for the surroundings. I watched Parisians busy rushing for the train—although no one helped us—with amazement. I was also amazed by their train stations.
Finally, we arrived at the last station, and from there, we exited the Metro. Once I reached the surface, I was faced with the beautiful city as I had imagined. I remember vividly, in front of the exit of St. George Metro station, there was a roundabout, with a fountain in the middle, and although the roundabout was small, the surrounding buildings had beautiful Parisian architecture. And then I just realized, we were in Paris!
Metro, Roof Tops, Sidewalk Cafe & Stones road
I can’t explain how beautiful this city is. I know earlier I complained about the Metro in Paris. But after wandering around with the Metro and buses in Paris several times, I found enjoyment in this fashion city. Eiffel, Louvre, or even Versailles is beautiful, but what makes me like the city are the ordinary sights that are everywhere in Paris.
A little fact that I know, after sufficient exploration. Every Metro station has a different theme. I didn’t have the time to ask my friend about this, as I only realized it later. Some are ordinary, some are themed. Each station leaves an impression and becomes an object of my observation.
The cobbled roads that I complained about are a witness to the age of a city. I found that stone roads are part of the history of the city. I discovered the beauty in every cobbled street I walked on. I feel like I want to explore every street in the city of Paris.
A busy and beautiful city. I know, many films showcase the lifestyle of Parisians with rows of sidewalk cafes. That’s true. When night falls, the beauty of this city transforms. The city is filled with lights and the sparkle of light reflecting from wine glasses. Not to mention the handsome Parisians, both in their faces and their unique fashion styles.
I didn’t want to miss out. Trying to adapt to the style of the Parisians, we sat in one of the cafes in Le Marais, a trendy area in Paris. We enjoyed wine and savored the night.
Eiffle, Louvre, Versailles and Père Lachaise
Magnificent! is the word that describes each of these places. Each of them has its own beauty.
Le Louvre, as the Parisians call this museum. Consisting of 3 parts, you can find famous works such as paintings by Leonardo Da Vinci, including the Mona Lisa, here. It took us 6 hours to explore all 3 parts of the Louvre. And for your information, I didn’t see all of it. Some parts I just walked past without seeing what’s in it. The ticket, around 20 euros, is truly worth it.
Thank God. I have a friend in Paris. His name is François, and he has a car to drive me to Versailles. Turned out it was located outside Paris too. It took around 1 hour by car.
Versailles is a superbly magnificent and extraordinary compound. Even from the gate, it already left me in awe.
La Tour Eiffel, surely you must know. A landmark that you must visit when you’re in Paris. Unfortunately, I had a bad experience when visiting this landmark. However, that experience taught me to be more careful, especially when I separate from my friend later.
Lastly, there is Père Lachaise. If you’re not familiar, it is a cemetery area. Don’t imagine graves like in Tanah Kusir or Jeruk Purut. Père Lachaise is more like a museum than a cemetery area. You need a map to navigate this cemetery area, especially if you want to find the graves of famous figures. Mentioning Frédéric Chopin, Edith Piaf, Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, and even Jim Morrison. Père Lachaise is the largest cemetery area in the city of Paris. I don’t know why, but of all the landmarks I mentioned above, this place is where I could most enjoy during my visit.
tempat menyimpan abu setelah kremasi
Those little things
Beside all the tourism experiences, there are many small things that actually make me want to stay longer in Paris. The greeting “Bonjour Madam” every time I step into a shop or restaurant during the day. Or the aroma of bread from boulangerie shops and how they are very strict about the opening times of the restaurant (though it’s only 5 minutes away, they forbid us to enter the restaurant :D). Or how they speak to each other in French. Even the cheese shop where my French friend and I shop for groceries, I found it interesting and will miss it dearly.
I would love to go back there, but the second time, I don’t want to solo travel again. There is indeed tranquility and freedom when you’re solo traveling, but there is also a feeling of loneliness when you need to discuss something you see while you’re traveling or when your inner child is eager to go out and do random things and be spontaneous. Well, that’s another goal that I must achieve before I die.
Don’t worry baby, when you’re feeling blue,
I’ll tell jokes for you
when you’re eyes feeling rainy,
I’ll hold the umbrella for you
when the road seem hard to walk through
I’ll carry you on my back
When the world seems want to take you down
I’ll go down first and catch you
His voice still echoing in my heart
when I came back from school with bleeding knees
He will sat me on his lap and told funny stories
So I forget about my hurt
Through sleepless night, I say prayer for you Wishing you still watching over me from above Wishing you will proud of me Wishing me strong and always have faith
Don’t worry Pak, when I’m feeling blue I’ll write a poem to you when my eyes feeling rainy I’ll say little pray with you When the road seem hard to walk through I’ll close my eyes and just walk with hopes I don’t fall
Sebuah pembicaraan pendek namun menjadi sesuatu yang jadi renungan untuk saya di dalam hati.
Saat saya travelling ke Paris belum lama ini, saya sempat menginap di rumah teman saya yang memang orang Perancis dan he is true Parisian (Born, raised and live in Paris). Saya mengemukakan keterkejutan saya akan kondisi betapa masyarakat Paris sangat mix races and culture.
Dan teman saya dan istrinya hanya tertawa karena statement saya. Tetapi mereka mengatakan mereka semua orang Perancis, karena mereka sudah lahir dan besar di Perancis. Lalu pembicaraan kami mengalir dan sampai pada topik agama. Meski suami istri, teman saya – François ini seorang atheist dan istrinya – Maylis ini beragama Kristen dan anak-anak mereka semua dibaptis. Maylis bercerita, Perancis sangat menghargai kebebasan dan privasi seseorang dalam memilih agama atau tidak menganut agama.
Bahkan dalam urusan administratif yang menyangkut institusi, juga rumah sakit, asuransi atau apapun, kolom agama itu tidak dicantumkan. Pun untuk urusan yang berkaitan tentang data warga atau sifatnya official dari pemerintah, mereka punya pilihan untuk mencantumkan atau pun bisa menolak mencantumkan agama mereka.
Saya bertanya kepada Maylis, apakah negara tidak membutuhkan data, berapa orang penganut agama A, B, C dsb? Lalu dia bertanya, relevansinya data itu untuk apa? Pajak? Pajak dikenakan ke semua orang. Sensus jumlah penduduk? Pendidikan? Sekolah – sekolah negeri di Perancis dari level elementary sampai universitas itu gratis.
Lagi, saya menjawab ‘Memang tidak dicantumkan buat ID Card?’ — Tatapan Maylis hanya mengernyitkan alis. Dia malah balas bertanya “Memangnya ID card kamu ada tertulis agama disana?” — Saya mengangguk sambil jawab “Oui..oui”.
“Kegunaannya buat apa?” tanyanya kembali. Saya bersiap menjawab namun kemudian saya tertegun. Saya berpikir kembali dan mengingat. Rata-rata validasi data yang dipakai dan dilihat adalah nomor KTP, nama dan alamat sesuai KTP. Informasi agama menjadi bagian yang tidak memberikan relevansi terhadap kebutuhan validasi data. Dalam keterdiaman saya, saya jadi bertanya-tanya sendiri. “Buat apa ya?”
Jika pun kebutuhan data base, setiap kelurahan punya KK yang berisikan nama, agama dan status setiap orang di suatu kelurahan. Jadi, faedahnya ada tertulis agama di KTP itu buat apa?
Privacy & Personal
Pembicaraan kami berlanjut. Maylis tertarik untuk bertanya lebih lanjut. Dia bertanya “Apakah menuliskan agama di KTP kamu menjadi sebuah ‘keharusan’?” Saya kembali diam. Saya menjawab saya belum pernah melihat yang isinya kosong atau tertulis tidak beragama atau atheis. Maylis kembali bertanya “Bagaimana kalau dia memang tidak memilih agama satu pun? Apakah dia harus tetap mencantumkan sebuah agama di sana?” Pertanyaan Maylis jadi pertanyaan saya juga. Iya juga. Bagaimana buat mereka yang tidak mengimani salah satu agama? Terlebih bagi mereka yang ateis? Apakah mereka punya pilihan untuk bisa tidak menuliskan? Saya tidak pernah bertanya soal ini kepada pihak kelurahan atau pun orang yang bisa menjawab ini.
Maylis kemudian bercerita, di Perancis, kolom agama dalam formulir isian apapun tidak ada. Kalau pun ada, kamu punya pilihan untuk tidak mengisinya and it is okay. Bahkan jika kamu pun misalnya kamu memang beragama dan kamu memilih tidak menuliskan agama mu (karena kamu tidak ingin dimintai sumbangan atau apapun) juga adalah hak kamu. So, matter of faith is very personal and privacy. Tentang menjalankan ibadah pun, itu sangat individual dan personal.
Namun, sehubungan dengan teroris dan kewaspadaan, Maylis bercerita pemerintah Perancis terutama di kota Paris mengeluarkan semacam larangan untuk mengenakan cadar. Pikiran saya saat itu terbang ke Indonesia, dimana orang mengenakan cadar sudah sering saya lihat. Seandainya… ah sudahlah, pikiran saya kembali ke Maylis dan topik kami.
Pembicaraan kami terhenti karena anak-anak yang menuntut perhatian mamanya. Namun pembicaraan kami, saya ingat baik-baik Saya kembali berandai-andai. Apakah masyarakat Indonesia bisa seperti itu? atau setidaknya Pemerintah Indonesia mengubah format KTP sehingga agama bukan bagian dari identitas kependudukan. Apakah kita bisa benar-benar menjalankan kebebasan beragama dan memeluk sebuah kepercayaan atau tidak memeluk sebuah agama atau kepercayaan, dan menghormati pilihan orang lain?
Mengingat betapa kisruhnya pemilihan Gubernur DKI pada tahun lalu, saya sadar, kita – bangsa Indonesia masih sangat labil dan belum sampai pada level kedewasaan untuk mengesampingkan agama dalam penilaian terhadap kinerja seseorang terutama jika konteksnya menyangkut pemerintah dan politik.
You came like a thief at night, you’re walking into my world.
You’d entered my rooms and make it yours…
You’d stolen my smile…
I’d just watched you
You’d played this game in spite to drive me insane
And yet, all I can remember is your smile.. When you teased and laugh
I didn’t realised that I were free falling
All you remember now is my goodbye
Until I realised you’d get the air out of my lungs
You claimed you don’t want to ruin me
And yet, your hugs and kisses tied me deeper to you
You said the universe is in our brain
It’s amazing when I was in this universe with you..
Darling, I feel so much younger yesterday
Seperti judulnya, tulisan ini saya buat untuk menjelaskan apa yang saya rasakan. Bukan seperti marah dimana seseorang teriak-teriak penuh emosi kepada orang lain bukan juga seperti ibu yang ngomel-ngomel nyerocos tak henti kepada anaknya.
Tapi ini seperti rasa gatal yang saya tidak tahu dimana gatalnya tapi saya merasa sangat terganggu karenanya. Atau dimana kamu tidak merasa nyaman, sulit konsentrasi dan keinginan berjalan-jalan tanpa tujuan.
Rasa ini adalah karena terluka, merasakan ketidakadilan, merasa dititik dimana usaha dan upaya merasa sia-sia. Rasa ini lebih membuat saya diam, lebih membuat saya lelah, lebih tidak ingin beropini karena saya tahu itu sepertinya sia-sia.
What is ‘anger’ ?
Anger or wrath is an intense emotional response usually involving agitation, malice, or retribution. It is an emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat.
Itu definisi Wikipedia.
Menurut William DeFoore, seorang penulis buku anger management menggambarkan amarah itu seperti pressure cooker. Seseorang hanya bisa menahan amarah untuk beberapa waktu sampai akhirnya itu semua meledak.
Ini bahaya karena begitu meledak, ini bisa berakibat kepada tindakan yang bisa merugikan diri sendiri. Bahaya karena juga bisa merugikan orang lain.
Dalam agama yang saya imani, saya mengetahui ada 7 deadly sins atau akar dosa. Disebut demikian karena dari 7 akar dosa ini sebab dari semua dosa-dosa manusia yang merugikan orang lain. Salah satu dari akar dosa itu adalah amarah (wrath).
Saya sendiri mencoba mencari sebab apa yang melatarbelakangi dari rasa ini. Selama di jalan, pikiran saya berkecamuk apa yang sebenarnya bikin rasa marah ini.
Dan..saya temukan sebabnya. ‘Anger’ ini tidak bisa begitu saja disembuhkan dengan sikap sabar, ataupun pasrah. Sejujurnya saya tidak tahu bagaimana cara menyembuhkannya. Sabar pun bukan karakter yang bisa saya banggakan.
Sekarang pertanyaan berikutnya: apa yang harus saya lakukan?
