Boom… boom… boom…
The muffled sound of fireworks filters into my room. I toss and turn, unable to find sleep despite the weight of exhaustion pressing on my body. My mind, however, is restless, wandering across the landscapes of the past, the present, and the uncertain future.
Happy New Year!
Messages pour in from friends, confidants, and even a “lover,” filling my inbox with well-wishes.
Ah, yes—another year has begun. It’s officially 2025, though to me, it feels no different from any other night.
As I reflect on 2024, I’m struck by a sobering realization: I haven’t been okay. Outwardly, I appeared composed, but internally, I was anything but.
For over two years, I’ve been operating in survival mode. Sleep eluded me. Productivity felt like a distant memory. I procrastinated, my emotions swung erratically, and my weight surged. I stopped caring, stopped searching for solutions, and succumbed to impulsive spending.
I was adrift, lost in turbulent waters, not even attempting to reach for a lifeline. And worse, I began entertaining thoughts that frightened me—thoughts of welcoming an untimely end.
The Turning Point: Acknowledging Mental Health
As 2025 begins, I’m forced to confront a stark truth: my mental health is not okay.
This realization terrifies me. While others set ambitious New Year’s resolutions, I’m struggling to envision anything beyond tomorrow. Next week, next month, or the year ahead? I haven’t dared to look that far.
But there’s power in acknowledgment. By admitting I need help, I’ve taken the first step toward healing.
Finding Gratitude Amid the Struggle
Even in my darkest moments, I’ve found fragments of gratitude. I’m thankful for the blessings I’ve received, the experiences I’ve lived, and the people who’ve stood by me.
Each morning, I remind myself of these gifts. It’s a small but meaningful practice, helping me shift my perspective and rediscover the will to embrace life once more.
Moving Forward: A New Year, A New Hope
As I reflect on 2024, I recognize the importance of self-care, mental health, and finding purpose. My journey is far from over, but I’m learning to mend what is broken and nurture hope for the future.
If you’re reading this and feeling similarly, know that you’re not alone. Let’s take this New Year as an opportunity—not for perfection, but for progress. Together, we can embrace life’s challenges and celebrate its blessings, one day at a time.
STF – January 2025