The Salamander Theory

Salamander Theory

Nope, this isn’t a tale about three salamanders, though there’s a little critter connection here.

So, picture this: it’s your typical weekend night, and the squad—aka me and the ladies—decides to get together, like we always do… sporadically. Yeah, it’s a “whenever we feel like it” kind of deal. We’re not the greatest planners. I once got really ticked off because they couldn’t stick to a plan I’d painstakingly organized. That was the last time I ever played the planner, and we sort of agreed to just wing it from there on out. Surprisingly, it became a regular thing.

Now, back to our title. My best friend, let’s call her “Q,” is musing about how she’s always the one catching feelings in these casual setups. She’s wondering why women tend to get attached even when they know it’s supposed to be “no strings attached.” And that’s when I thought of the movie “Set It Up.” I tell Q that the lead character in that flick is facing the same conundrum. She’s always in the dating phase, never reaching relationship status. The lead male character suggests she treats guys like salamanders

The Theory

Here’s the theory. Naturally, I had to Google this theory. It turns out, salamanders are pretty delicate creatures, not meant for constant petting and handling. Frequent human contact can stress them out and possibly do them harm. Plus, their sensitive skin can absorb all sorts of stuff from our hands, like oils, salts, and chemicals, which isn’t great for their health. So, just like salamanders, guys might not fare well if we get too clingy, always asking where they are, texting, calling, and basically sticking to them like glue.

According to the Salamander theory, that’s a no-go. Q couldn’t stop laughing, and she thought my theory was both fresh and made sense. I presented it matter-of-factly.

And if this theory holds water, what’s the game plan? Well, you shouldn’t have just one “salamander” (aka guy), you should have three. Rotate your attention, and they won’t feel like you’re breathing down their necks. They’ll stay alive, and you’ll keep them around longer—unless they evolve into gentlemen and stop being “salamanders.”

And then, just recently, I decided to put the Salamander Theory to the test. And you know what? It works. When one “salamander” bites the dust, I’m not shedding tears and feeling all sorry for myself because I’ve still got two “salamanders” to handle with care. Why three? Well, four’s a crowd, and two’s too few to have a backup when one of your “salamanders” is on the brink. So, ‘3’ is the magic number.

Not all salamander worth to handling

You know, there are those times when you’ve got a pet, but it’s a strict “look, but don’t touch” policy.

Salamanders, well, they’re like the celebrities of the pet world. They’re better suited for the paparazzi, not the cuddles. You can be their audience, watch them in their element, marvel at their natural antics, and cater to their needs without making them stress out or get all jittery. If you’re after a pet you can hang out with regularly, maybe go for something a bit more extroverted, like some of those party animal reptiles or cute little mammals.

See, just like not every salamander is up for a handshake, not every single guy who finds us attractive needs a dinner date. Sometimes, it’s perfectly fine to kick back and observe, see how they roll in their natural habitat, all from a safe distance. ?