on Bended Knee..

I walk into your house slowly

I know I must do it alone

I pray my heart don’t weary

I pray you wouldn’t hate me


I get down on my knee

Sit down and calm my heart

I know this time will be different than before

I pray for my weary heart


I come to you who sit in front of me

I tell you about my heart

I tell you about my loneliness

I tell you my weary heart


You’re keep silent

you’re listening attentively

and then… you open your eyes

lift your head, and said…


I see you.

I forgive you

I will still love you

Don’t hate yourself because you have heart


17:30 – 230318

Another Fight with You

I don´t expect my love affairs to last for long
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true
Being used to trouble I anticipate it
But all the same I hate it, wouldn´t you?

So what happens now?

Time and time again I´ve said that I don´t care
That I´m immune to gloom, that I´m hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me, and they do

So what happens now?

Call in three months time and I´ll be fine, I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I´ll survive anyhow
I won´t recall the names and places of each sad occasion
But that´s no consolation here and now.
So what happens now?
This is a song lyrics ‘Another Suitcase Another Hall’ from EVITA. I put it because somehow it resonate.

We are OR

When there is A and B, it supposed to be AB

When there is A and B, it supposed to be right together

When A is no B, and B is no A, but AB is just right

But there are no U and I


When there is A or B, it was not supposed to be AB

When A is no B, and B is no A, but AB is just right

When A is only A, or B is only B, AB is not right

But there is U and there is I


When there is A and B, it can be AB

When there is A only, or B only, it could be AB

But that doesn’t mean there is U and I

Because there will never be ‘S’ in U and I


Fools,  said the logic. “You do not know,

emotions without me like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you”



But the logic like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the hollow of my heart


November 19, 2017 ; 16:00






Kind like me..

“Why you keep silent?” One day you asked me

It’s because you keep your distance.

I can’t be romantic person, you said

I don’t need romantic person. I need you.


Why you keep barrier to me? He said

It’s because too much feeling for you

Be honest with your own feeling

I am afraid you’ll be breaking it in pieces


“Who am I to have your heart?”

The kind like me won’t ever make your head turned to me

Who am I to ask you to give a care

Because I know what lie it would be


Who am I to have your heart

I even don’t exist in your real life

Who am I to ask you to give a care

Because I know I don’t have right to


Don’t say you love me, when it just a word in your mouth

Don’t say you care, When you would never be around when I am crying

Don’t say you love me, because i am lost

Don’t say you care, when I feel you step faraway from me


Why you keep overthinking about us?

I don’t know you anymore

You are not the girl who stole my heart

I don’t see her anymore


Stop asking ‘Why’

Don’t you think it’s fair, to see the moments just passed us by

Stop saying ‘kind like you’

Don’t you say heart can go to whomever it felt into


Don’t believe me, don’t just  believe me

Don’t just bluntly believe when I said ‘I need space’

And leave me with my bitterness and heartbroken

Just say “it’s useless, I will always be loving you”


Who am I to have your love?

You and I, we never

But that doesn’t mean i don’t

I want you to love me for the sake of loving me


060917 – 02:00am

Xs and Os



Love is a game

of tic-tac-toe,

constantly waiting,

for the next x or o.




(taken from Lang Leav)

Sebuah Helaan Nafas

Sebuah helaan nafas malam ini kuambil beberapa kali

Sebuah helaan nafas mengartikan kesal
Sebuah helaan nafas mengartikan heran
Sebuah helaan nafas mengartikan pengertian
Sebuah tarikan panjang nafas membawa energi
Sebuah helaan panjang nafas mengeluarkan emosi
Sebuah tarikan panjang nafas menyertakan luka
Sebuah helaan panjang nafas membuang pengharapan
Sebuah tarikan ke dalam membawa rasa kekuatiran
Sebuah helaan ke luar menyertakan keputusasan
Sebuah tarikan ke dalam membawa kesedihan di mata
Sebuah helaan ke luar memasangkan topeng ceria
Sebuah helaan nafas malam ini kuambil beberapa kali
dan kusadari ada lara hati disana
dan kusadari kasih tak sampai menyelinap disana
dan kusadari tetes tetes dari sudut jendela hati
dan kusadar,…. sebuah helaan nafas panjang kembali kuambil malam ini


Songs understand me

You know, sometimes when you’re in blue, songs understand you better  especially if the problem is your romantic relationship.

And I don’t know why broken heart songs seems so easy to create than happy songs. Really… why people suddenly become a poet when they are sad or in sorrow. Like sadness, loneliness, sorrow dig the creative nerve and voila! A poem is made. But, maybe it’s depends from the person. When I am sad, or angry, I don’t feel creative, I just want to kill people and crash him in to pieces.


I see you through smoky air, trying hard to control my heart. Still I refrain from talking at you. But, you know me well, I don’t need to explain. I gave all I could, but why you’re still call me your friend when you want me naked in your bed?

I am sure I am not being rude, but it’s your attitude that tearing me apart. Don’t call me at 3AM just to say ‘How you are missed me’, but then why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

I am such a fool for you. You’ve got me wrapped around your finger. And I’m in so deep. Don’t you know, I never wanted anyone like this, It’s all brand new. Can’t you feel the weight of my stare, you’re so close but still a world away. I need a little more

But what the hell, why do you think I come ’round like this on my free will? Wasting all my precious time.

And all left me so sore, the thing that makes me mad, is the one thing that I had,

I knew I’d lose you. You’ll always be special to me. You said I was on your mind. Will I forget in time?


So, can you guess, what songs that I make for this prose? 😀

Gosh.. Bob Sinclair

If  i must mention one moment that i wont forget, that was when i met Bob Sinclar.

When the assignment came, actually i propose my self to do it. Even i didn’t know who’s the hell is Bob Sinclar. But, it seems the way event organizer make a big hell of promo about him, that make me think, this guy must someone famous. Still i don’t know what is his work. nay ah.. completely never heard about his works or his name.

So, to prepare my self, i googled him. voila! all about Bob all come out! he has website, and damn sure he is famous. His discograffi is long. Wikipedia also give long page about this guy. So, well… the more i know, the more i become nervouus.. hellloo.. gosh he is famous and not everybody has exclusive interview with him.

Hohoho… 2 days before i interview him, i can’t sleep, i can’t eat. I was freaked out. I was afraid i can delivered it. Honestly there was a little part of me that hope the interview is cancelled. I knoww…. i was afraid back then..

Bon…. finally the d-day. I with my team, go to the Hotel where he stayed and do the interviewed there. One thing that make me nervous. He is french. Gosh.. you know i love France and dream to live there one day. But, that fact make me feel more nervous.

Alors.. when the door was opened, there he was. With black cut out shirt, red nike, and training pants, and a rough face, he welcomed us. Wooow… in person he is very welcome, warm, humorous. My nervous was healing a bit. Shit! I was ashamed with my appearance. I should wash my hair and not wore that shirt.

After a little chit chat, we started, and i only have 13 minutes to interview him. He must know that i was nervous, because.. my voice was tremblinggggg…arrhh… it sucks!!!! And Goosshh! He is beautiful.. i loved him. I thing i have crush for him. I looked into his big blue eyes..but i think they are not purely blue. there was greyish color in too.

That eyes really caught me off guard and i didn’t listen what he said. The worst part was he knew i lost. Cos, i asked something that he already told.. Arrgghhhh… i still feel ashmed about it. Beside that everything quite smooth. Well, i put him on a nerve because i don’t seem understand what he’s saying.. huhuuhu.. stupid me.

And finally it’s over. Well, i spoke a french a bit, and he’s kinda surprised. And he is saying that i am kind. Well i think he was just being nice. I don’t regret it even i made mistake, and i bet he already forgotten me (*who am i), his charisma already catch me. Wish i can watch him in action again. Ouuhh Bob or i say Christophe..

Here are 2 pics when i was interviewed him…. gosh.. he’s so seexxyyy..