Sad

Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandang satu per satu

Kembali kupanggil semua memori
Setiap cerita, setiap jawaban, setiap karena dari pertanyaan
Sayangnya, semua berujung pada tanya tanya
Kupeluk semua kenangan manis yang kualami
Seakan-akan takut bahwa kenangan itu akan terkikis dan hilang
Kupeluk semua senyum tawa yang tercipta
Seakan-akan senyum dan tawa itu akan hilang dalam memori
Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandangi satu per satu
Ada senyum bahagia milikmu
Ada belai kasih miliknya
Ada kebohongan di sana.
Kini malam tlah datang
Sebuah kesadaran pun tiba
Perpisahan yang menunggu membentang
Menebarkan luka di dada
Saat rindu ini menyiksa sangat
Suara hati datang mengingat
Pejamkan mata dan tarik sebuah nafas panjang
Ini akan berakhir sebentar lagi
Bergetar jantung ini ketika kupandang satu per satu
Bergetar tangan ini ketika menghapus airmata tak bersuara
Pejamkan mata dan tarik sebuah nafas panjang
Ini akan berakhir…. sebentar lagi
Bergetar hati ini ketika menyadari semua
Bagai teriakan tak bersuara, serta memejamkan mata
Apakah fajar akan menyembuhkan luka dan airmata?
Apakah surya akan membawa senyum kembali?
ps: Kitt, i hope you’re happy now.

guilty…

Guilty feeling is always comes late. And it never go away. You always say ‘what if’ and really hoping you could turn back the time and make it right. It would get worse, when it comes to the one you loved and cared about.

Yes. I have experience it and still try how to ease the guilty feeling inside. I hurt my best friend. Sadly, it’s something that i didn’t intend to hurt her. I guess I don’t have to tell you the emotion reaction that had happened. But, what I can tell you is, she’s hurt so much by me. I never saw the sad and disappointed  face from her to me before until that day.

And I? I also feel crushed and broken when I know it really hurt her. When you think saying ‘Sorry’ is enough, it was never enough. Even 1000 words of sorry would never enough to heal the cause I made.

I cried all night because I know the scar is there. The scar I made in her heart. I cried because I should have been a better friend for her. I cried because I am afraid of losing her. I cried because I can’t forgive my self. How I undo this?……

It had happened. And I can’t do anything about except I try to be a better friend for my best friends.  It is true when people say ‘time will heal’. Well, I guess I leave it to time, meanwhile I  praying to God for her so she deserve a better blessing because she’s always good to others. And I pray for salvation to myself for I had been a awful person. 🙁

Ask for forgiveness to others is not easy, but ask my self to forgive my self is harder.