Ketika…

When you in public transportation, please be careful when you answered the phone and make conversation. Alas, it’s a private conversation. Believe me, all the passengers will put their ears to listen. No, they’re not ears droppin, but when it happens, that we can’t avoid, can we?

Well, that change happen to me, when one day I was in my way to work. Listening to peopleĀ business is not my hobby. I don’t care actually. But when a private conversation is happening in front of me, I can’t help it to listen.

This girl is on the phone. I forgot who’s calling first. But the way they talked, I think the person in the other line is her boyfriend.

“Aku masih di jalan. Kamu dimana?” , said the girl.

“Kemana aja? Gak pernah kasih kabar?”, ask the girl.

“Kok kamu jadi marah? Aku kan cuma tanya”, the tone in her voice change.

For few moment, she tried to speak, but she bite her lips. Her body language is different now. She took a deep breath, and the sigh for some times. Her voice started trembling, and she cover the half of her face with her free hands. I know then that this girl is about to cry. But she endure it and finally the conversation finished. She looked up the sky and stare blank to the sky. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but the blank look in her eyes tell me she’s hurt and her heart torn in two.

The girl and the conversation she had gave me a reflection with relationship i am having right now. I realized I often do that blank look. Well, blank look will not mean anything sih.. but, when I did that, the word ‘What If’ is there.

What if he doesn’t care..What if he doesn’t like me enough, … What if he bored, What if…and what if.. The word gives ‘doubt’, like virus. When you have 1 ‘What if’, then the rest follows. Like this last few days. Those words are hanging again in my head. ‘What if He…” and just like that I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t concentrate in work.

Now I want to change that. I want those word became ‘I love when…” but it can also change ‘When..” . On second thought, I will know tomorrow. God help me and brace my heart to say all out! Ameen!

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