Don’t get me wrong. This is not what you think. But, I feel like it.

Have you feel that you’re mad, really mad? Mad that you always suppress,  and yourself can’t admit it that you’re actually mad? Yes, been there. Still.    This couple days, I feel there are lots of emotion that I been through.

From last Saturday, up till now. I feel ups and downs. But the peak was when my dad must hospitalized. High blood tension turns out could be deadly for adult people. Actually, high blood tension could attach any age. My mom was so worried, she was so afraid if there was something serious with dad. She was so worried until it annoyed me.

Yes, he was sick, but he already in hospital under supervision by doctors. Yes, you’re worry but too much worry can’t make him well, can it?

And then, suddenly inside, I was mad at my dad. Why he was sick? again? Why he always put mom worry and sad? Why can he be well and fit? Why mom always the one who took care him? Why can’t he take care mom? Those question were rambling in my head. That time I really mad to dad.

Until, when i called him from the office this afternoon. He answered my phone with weak and just like him, no chit-chat that goes no where. I asked, he answered. But suddenly he said to me that I should be careful. Watch out for what i eat. And urge me to check my problem to gynecologist. I was surprised he remembered. I never know he would pay attention.

After I hung up my phone, I cried. And all that mad is gone. I hate my self for being mad. I am loathing my self. That moment I feel don’t deserve having parents like them. I am not my parents child. But I am, and I am soo much grateful to have parents like them.